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difficult child stole my debit card!
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 116550" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>JoG, </p><p></p><p>Remember the ferry -ride fiasco? Cost you a bunch - and don't know if you remember this - but it would really be easier for her to have her OWN debit card. I would NEVER give her cash, I would never allow her to know how much money I had at any given time on hand or in the bank - If she asked for money and earned it? I would put it on a pre-paid Visa for her. </p><p></p><p>I have lived with a child that has stolen from me since he was 12. At first it was little things that I didn't overlook and I didn't let go. Change from my car. 1.) It's MY car, 2.) It's MY change and 3) it IS stealing. Okay mom - sorry - tears, won't do it again. </p><p></p><p>Then he found my rolled coins - stole $40.00 but was BIG MAN on campus for a day buying friends Subway and pop, candy. When i found the note in his closet that said HOW MUCH I had - I went and got my back up note and once again - we had "the stealing" talk. I told him at that point if he ever got into my purse I would bust his arm off and I wasn't kidding. Then it was little things, like aftershave from DF, batteries, snacks - I mean the list went on and on. Even when I would pull up at the ATM with my card? I parked the car, walked up and did my banking - NEVER EVER with him in a car. This is a kid who can't remember to take out the trash, but could memorize a 7 digit code for the ER doors after watching one time. ARGH. </p><p></p><p>So we locked up our doors, I got the punishment keyring (little bungee thing on my wrist) to carry with ALL my door keys. And they were locked EVEN IF I went to the bathroom. He was that quick and calculating. </p><p></p><p>I agree that she has gone down hill since visit to dads - but it's not an excuse. Crying and pouting, tears, arguing are a defense mechanism - so here's a trick I learned. When you sit down to confront a child about theft tell them first - "YOU MAY cry, you may argue, you may pout - but it will NOT get you any closer to an apology with me. You did what you did because YOU WANTED TO do it - now there are consequences - so cry if you must but it isn't going to help your situation. I'd recommend crying later - when I'm not around if you are truly sorry that would be the appropriate time to cry. I'm over it."- and then talk. </p><p></p><p></p><p>That stopped a lot of the sassing back or "defending the innocent" in an obvious crime. As far as the change - bad on me - there will never be change in my car for a long time. For the rolled coin - We stopped talking to him except for basic answers for over a week - DF and I both said we didn't care to live with a thief. He was given ridiculous chores to complete. And he did complete them - after that EVERYTHING got locked up, all the cleaners in the house, all the laundry soap - you name it it got locked up. It was hard to live with having to unlock a door each and every time we wanted to get something - but at least it was there until ......</p><p></p><p>His buddy showed him how to break into our house using a school ID card - through the windows. NOW the added expense of the extra locks on the window make me feel safe in my own home. And I'm sure all the friends he has had in - know the layout of our house, have seen what's steal-worth or have told their older cousins about it - so we put up signs about the security cameras. </p><p></p><p>Idiot kid - cost me more than I care to think about but mostly it cost him my trust. NOT easily given - HARDER to earn back. </p><p></p><p>Sorry you have to go through this - I still haven't taken the locks off anything. I put one on our shed and he PRIED it off with a screwdriver he got from a friends. THAT was the living end. I pay for locks and he pries them off? ARGH. </p><p></p><p>Good luck </p><p>Don't trust her for a minute - </p><p>this action has put her in a different category to be viewed not just as a daughter but (sadly) a daughter who will steal from her own mom. </p><p></p><p>And as far as being sorry - yeah She's sorry she got caught because if that card would have worked in the ATM machine - she'd have taken money. If it would have been anyone but you - she'd be in jail. </p><p></p><p>Don't buy into it - and I get you on the rather go to work - it was my haven for years. And I worked with an alcholic/type A personality man. Pick the lesser of THOSE 2 evils. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 116550, member: 4964"] JoG, Remember the ferry -ride fiasco? Cost you a bunch - and don't know if you remember this - but it would really be easier for her to have her OWN debit card. I would NEVER give her cash, I would never allow her to know how much money I had at any given time on hand or in the bank - If she asked for money and earned it? I would put it on a pre-paid Visa for her. I have lived with a child that has stolen from me since he was 12. At first it was little things that I didn't overlook and I didn't let go. Change from my car. 1.) It's MY car, 2.) It's MY change and 3) it IS stealing. Okay mom - sorry - tears, won't do it again. Then he found my rolled coins - stole $40.00 but was BIG MAN on campus for a day buying friends Subway and pop, candy. When i found the note in his closet that said HOW MUCH I had - I went and got my back up note and once again - we had "the stealing" talk. I told him at that point if he ever got into my purse I would bust his arm off and I wasn't kidding. Then it was little things, like aftershave from DF, batteries, snacks - I mean the list went on and on. Even when I would pull up at the ATM with my card? I parked the car, walked up and did my banking - NEVER EVER with him in a car. This is a kid who can't remember to take out the trash, but could memorize a 7 digit code for the ER doors after watching one time. ARGH. So we locked up our doors, I got the punishment keyring (little bungee thing on my wrist) to carry with ALL my door keys. And they were locked EVEN IF I went to the bathroom. He was that quick and calculating. I agree that she has gone down hill since visit to dads - but it's not an excuse. Crying and pouting, tears, arguing are a defense mechanism - so here's a trick I learned. When you sit down to confront a child about theft tell them first - "YOU MAY cry, you may argue, you may pout - but it will NOT get you any closer to an apology with me. You did what you did because YOU WANTED TO do it - now there are consequences - so cry if you must but it isn't going to help your situation. I'd recommend crying later - when I'm not around if you are truly sorry that would be the appropriate time to cry. I'm over it."- and then talk. That stopped a lot of the sassing back or "defending the innocent" in an obvious crime. As far as the change - bad on me - there will never be change in my car for a long time. For the rolled coin - We stopped talking to him except for basic answers for over a week - DF and I both said we didn't care to live with a thief. He was given ridiculous chores to complete. And he did complete them - after that EVERYTHING got locked up, all the cleaners in the house, all the laundry soap - you name it it got locked up. It was hard to live with having to unlock a door each and every time we wanted to get something - but at least it was there until ...... His buddy showed him how to break into our house using a school ID card - through the windows. NOW the added expense of the extra locks on the window make me feel safe in my own home. And I'm sure all the friends he has had in - know the layout of our house, have seen what's steal-worth or have told their older cousins about it - so we put up signs about the security cameras. Idiot kid - cost me more than I care to think about but mostly it cost him my trust. NOT easily given - HARDER to earn back. Sorry you have to go through this - I still haven't taken the locks off anything. I put one on our shed and he PRIED it off with a screwdriver he got from a friends. THAT was the living end. I pay for locks and he pries them off? ARGH. Good luck Don't trust her for a minute - this action has put her in a different category to be viewed not just as a daughter but (sadly) a daughter who will steal from her own mom. And as far as being sorry - yeah She's sorry she got caught because if that card would have worked in the ATM machine - she'd have taken money. If it would have been anyone but you - she'd be in jail. Don't buy into it - and I get you on the rather go to work - it was my haven for years. And I worked with an alcholic/type A personality man. Pick the lesser of THOSE 2 evils. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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difficult child stole my debit card!
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