Hi MtDenise,
My Difficult Child moved 2k miles away quite some time ago. You're right, nothing's changed. The thing that did change for me is that I would just get the calls, not showing up at my doorstep. I still hear from him if he gets in a desperate situation. When I don't hear from him, he must be managing somehow.
They are over 18 and are going to make their own choices. As I see it, your parenting has been done. All you can hope for is that some of it sticks. It wouldn't matter if he was here or there. You still can't 'fix' it.
I'm in the process of disengaging. I have to. All I seem to be able to do is to enable. That's the worst thing to do and just drags out the process of them having to grow up and take responsibility. Enabling only alleviates our guilt for a short time. That's it. It does nothing for them and is truly detrimental. I only wish I would have quit years ago - Maybe he would have stood a chance, but I can't go there.
I've just started going to Al-Anon meetings. Even though his issue is drugs rather than alcohol, it's not about them. It's very cathartic and I would recommend it highly. It's very therapeutic (and cost effective!). I can't imagine that a paid psychologist would be any better.
Take care of yourself.
