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General Parenting
difficult child Update- Long (sorry)
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 401571" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>It sounds like he is realizing some very important things, which is excellent. Those things can change how he behaves IF he wants to, but it will be a long slow process. This talk actually seems like he may beaccepting that the problems are his fault and not the fault of anyone else and that if he wants different then he has to DO different to get it. This seems a lot more hopeful to me than anything he has said or done in a long time. It may actually be a sign that when he finally gets out he will work on not oging back. He will still mess up because real change is a process, but it would give him a real chance at life out in the world.</p><p> </p><p>The tattoo must be like a kick in the gut for you. A reminder that will never go away of this incredible traumatic ordeal that you have endured as he dragged you through it. Maybe in the long run it will turn out to be a constant reminder of the penalties of making bad choices and refusing to accept help from someone who loves you. There are ways to remove tattoos, so if he wants to explore that after he is released it will be possible. There are also new products to cover them. The woman from that LA Ink show has her name on a tattoo cover up and if it works like the pictures - WOW! In the photos it made her look like she had never had a tattoo at all. I think it is sold at Sephora if you want to look at it just so you know what is there if/when he needs soemthing. And at least it is your name and not some curse word or picture taht would guarantee no one would hire him for any reputable job. And he spelled it right, which doesn't always happen with tattoos either.</p><p> </p><p>It must be hard to hear that he is getting into trouble with his new roommate. Another thing that is hard now but might be good for the long term outlook - he can see how htis ohter boy is creating his own problems and how going along iwth him gets difficult child into trouble. So maybe he will be able to see that his actions in the past were very similar and that it was his fault he is there and not yours. (You and I know that the PO and GAL must bear some responsiblity, but difficult child needs to think it was his responsibility in order to change his future, Know what I mean??) That will help him in the long run to give him reasons to do the hard work involved in changing his behavior and thinking.</p><p> </p><p>It is AWESOME that he is listening to his therapist, whther he fully believes him or not. He may not fully accept that his thinking is distorted, but at least he is talking and htinking about it - a VERY good sign! The long long letter is also a great sign, as is telling you about the girl and her contribution to his choices. I know it all seems pretty bleak, esp as he has blown early release most likely. But he will have a chance to continue with his thought changes before he gets out and can be easily distracted by all the things he couldn't do or have while locked up. </p><p> </p><p>It had to be a hard visit. I am sorry about the tattoo. Even if youtry to put a positive spin on it, a permanent reminder of this time in his life must be a kick in the gut every time you look at it. It does seem like he is maturing in his thinking while he is there, so hopefully he can make some real changes. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 401571, member: 1233"] It sounds like he is realizing some very important things, which is excellent. Those things can change how he behaves IF he wants to, but it will be a long slow process. This talk actually seems like he may beaccepting that the problems are his fault and not the fault of anyone else and that if he wants different then he has to DO different to get it. This seems a lot more hopeful to me than anything he has said or done in a long time. It may actually be a sign that when he finally gets out he will work on not oging back. He will still mess up because real change is a process, but it would give him a real chance at life out in the world. The tattoo must be like a kick in the gut for you. A reminder that will never go away of this incredible traumatic ordeal that you have endured as he dragged you through it. Maybe in the long run it will turn out to be a constant reminder of the penalties of making bad choices and refusing to accept help from someone who loves you. There are ways to remove tattoos, so if he wants to explore that after he is released it will be possible. There are also new products to cover them. The woman from that LA Ink show has her name on a tattoo cover up and if it works like the pictures - WOW! In the photos it made her look like she had never had a tattoo at all. I think it is sold at Sephora if you want to look at it just so you know what is there if/when he needs soemthing. And at least it is your name and not some curse word or picture taht would guarantee no one would hire him for any reputable job. And he spelled it right, which doesn't always happen with tattoos either. It must be hard to hear that he is getting into trouble with his new roommate. Another thing that is hard now but might be good for the long term outlook - he can see how htis ohter boy is creating his own problems and how going along iwth him gets difficult child into trouble. So maybe he will be able to see that his actions in the past were very similar and that it was his fault he is there and not yours. (You and I know that the PO and GAL must bear some responsiblity, but difficult child needs to think it was his responsibility in order to change his future, Know what I mean??) That will help him in the long run to give him reasons to do the hard work involved in changing his behavior and thinking. It is AWESOME that he is listening to his therapist, whther he fully believes him or not. He may not fully accept that his thinking is distorted, but at least he is talking and htinking about it - a VERY good sign! The long long letter is also a great sign, as is telling you about the girl and her contribution to his choices. I know it all seems pretty bleak, esp as he has blown early release most likely. But he will have a chance to continue with his thought changes before he gets out and can be easily distracted by all the things he couldn't do or have while locked up. It had to be a hard visit. I am sorry about the tattoo. Even if youtry to put a positive spin on it, a permanent reminder of this time in his life must be a kick in the gut every time you look at it. It does seem like he is maturing in his thinking while he is there, so hopefully he can make some real changes. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) [/QUOTE]
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