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difficult child wants to call his egg donor
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 133823" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Drats - I had this great long well thought out post typed to you about what kids think about absentee parents and well -it got violently inhaled into space. </p><p></p><p>To shorten my lengthy are dramatic post - You may or may not remember or know about Dude's relationship with his biofather. The man is evil. He abused us both and still to this day has never given up drugs, alcohol or women. He is a self medicating bi-polar and a violent man who's actions make any psychopathic personality look tame in comparison. I was most recently told that he answers to a different master. Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>He left my son in a crack house in a neighborhood like little Cuba in Miami - awful place. Cops won't even patrol it. My son was basically "traded" for rock cocaine, molested and then possible molested by his father. </p><p></p><p>You would think a child would have the same feelings I do about this troll. IF he ever crosses my path I will skin him with my bare hands. You would think after what he did to Dude - he would feel the same. </p><p></p><p>So this was 11, almost 12 years ago. And recently it was brought to my attention that his FATHER has nothing to live for. And I asked if he really wanted a relationship with that person and he screamed in my face "WOULD THAT BE SO BAD?" and I just lost it. I left the house to avoid hearing any more "in your face mom" attitude about how he has called his biofathers family, and they are just as manipulative as he is - but they told Dude "Your Father is a likeable person, he's really nice and funny, kind. He just has a little drug problem." ~ I'm sorry 35k in a month is NOT a little drug problem, beating your wife and then torturing her is not a problem it's an abomination - beating your 4 year old son and abusing him and trading him for drugs - IS not a "little" drug problem. </p><p></p><p>But therapy prevails and I do my best every day to forget more and more and forgive on my own terms what a horrible person he is. And try to help and sacrifice for Dude and his mental health and this is what I get? ......</p><p></p><p>WHY? </p><p></p><p>Our psychiatrist told us that the absentee parent almost always gets the pedestal. They aren't there to dish out consequences and in a child's mind they know that they are genetically 1/2 you and 1/2 biodad. He knows that you left this man because he was making more and more poor choices - so in a way the child may feel connected to him. The child can always fantasize about their time away, their reunion, their impending grief of years and years gone bye, and in their minds the absentee parent is almost a demi-god. They have played out the fantasy in their childs minds so long - it just HAS to be like an afterschool special movie where everyone is reunited and lives happily ever after. </p><p></p><p>It has NOTHING to do with how we raised them - it's just in their minds. </p><p></p><p>And like you - I know that when Dude is 18 (old magic 18) he thinks he's going to visit dear old crack head, alcoholic dad and maybe the old man will set him up with that trust fund he has surely been keeping for him, or a super nice new truck - not like the piece of cr#ap Mom could offer him - I mean it doesn't mean a thing to him that biomoron never sent me or him a thin dime - he IS his Father - and would it be so bad if he had a relationship? (I shudder to think) and I worry mostly that what is ingrained in his DNA will find a niche with these loathsome people. That's what gets me - I KNOW what they are - I've been in therapy 11 years to forget them. And now my son wants to go running, screaming "TAKE ME BACK" as if he was thrown out and has right all the wrongs in life - for them to humbly need him in the clan. </p><p></p><p>My best hope - ? That he's had enough years with me and DF and therapy to see what they really are and not really want anything to do with them after that initial OMG IT's MY SON.....MY SON - I hope his freakin tongue falls out. </p><p></p><p>My worst nightmare - That he finds his niche - I think at that point I'll need suicide hotline, prayer and the second coming. </p><p></p><p>I hope he sees the eggscrambler for what she is - oh and FYI - these people always have a way of skirting the law - they know more information on worse and higher up drug dealers and so they make deals and always seem to come out on top. Like a rose dipped in poop. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Understanding - even if I'm from OH-HI</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 133823, member: 4964"] Drats - I had this great long well thought out post typed to you about what kids think about absentee parents and well -it got violently inhaled into space. To shorten my lengthy are dramatic post - You may or may not remember or know about Dude's relationship with his biofather. The man is evil. He abused us both and still to this day has never given up drugs, alcohol or women. He is a self medicating bi-polar and a violent man who's actions make any psychopathic personality look tame in comparison. I was most recently told that he answers to a different master. Know what I mean?? He left my son in a crack house in a neighborhood like little Cuba in Miami - awful place. Cops won't even patrol it. My son was basically "traded" for rock cocaine, molested and then possible molested by his father. You would think a child would have the same feelings I do about this troll. IF he ever crosses my path I will skin him with my bare hands. You would think after what he did to Dude - he would feel the same. So this was 11, almost 12 years ago. And recently it was brought to my attention that his FATHER has nothing to live for. And I asked if he really wanted a relationship with that person and he screamed in my face "WOULD THAT BE SO BAD?" and I just lost it. I left the house to avoid hearing any more "in your face mom" attitude about how he has called his biofathers family, and they are just as manipulative as he is - but they told Dude "Your Father is a likeable person, he's really nice and funny, kind. He just has a little drug problem." ~ I'm sorry 35k in a month is NOT a little drug problem, beating your wife and then torturing her is not a problem it's an abomination - beating your 4 year old son and abusing him and trading him for drugs - IS not a "little" drug problem. But therapy prevails and I do my best every day to forget more and more and forgive on my own terms what a horrible person he is. And try to help and sacrifice for Dude and his mental health and this is what I get? ...... WHY? Our psychiatrist told us that the absentee parent almost always gets the pedestal. They aren't there to dish out consequences and in a child's mind they know that they are genetically 1/2 you and 1/2 biodad. He knows that you left this man because he was making more and more poor choices - so in a way the child may feel connected to him. The child can always fantasize about their time away, their reunion, their impending grief of years and years gone bye, and in their minds the absentee parent is almost a demi-god. They have played out the fantasy in their childs minds so long - it just HAS to be like an afterschool special movie where everyone is reunited and lives happily ever after. It has NOTHING to do with how we raised them - it's just in their minds. And like you - I know that when Dude is 18 (old magic 18) he thinks he's going to visit dear old crack head, alcoholic dad and maybe the old man will set him up with that trust fund he has surely been keeping for him, or a super nice new truck - not like the piece of cr#ap Mom could offer him - I mean it doesn't mean a thing to him that biomoron never sent me or him a thin dime - he IS his Father - and would it be so bad if he had a relationship? (I shudder to think) and I worry mostly that what is ingrained in his DNA will find a niche with these loathsome people. That's what gets me - I KNOW what they are - I've been in therapy 11 years to forget them. And now my son wants to go running, screaming "TAKE ME BACK" as if he was thrown out and has right all the wrongs in life - for them to humbly need him in the clan. My best hope - ? That he's had enough years with me and DF and therapy to see what they really are and not really want anything to do with them after that initial OMG IT's MY SON.....MY SON - I hope his freakin tongue falls out. My worst nightmare - That he finds his niche - I think at that point I'll need suicide hotline, prayer and the second coming. I hope he sees the eggscrambler for what she is - oh and FYI - these people always have a way of skirting the law - they know more information on worse and higher up drug dealers and so they make deals and always seem to come out on top. Like a rose dipped in poop. Hugs Understanding - even if I'm from OH-HI Star [/QUOTE]
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