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difficult child with-ODD ~ Continued problems with-Homework
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 199764" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I'm increasingly anti-homework - the research is showing that it makes absolutely no difference to how well a kid does later on. It's currently a hot topic on Aussie TV with a number of our top media psychologists coming out and saying, "It doesn't work, it's archaic, kids should be outside running around and socialising instead of doing yet more schoolwork." There is a serious move afoot to ban homework but increase school hours by half an hour instead.</p><p></p><p>HOWEVER - you have a big problem.</p><p></p><p>First step is to find out WHY.</p><p></p><p>We've had this problem in our house too. We had a range of causes - </p><p></p><p>1) The teacher was lazy and set exactly the same homework every night for a year - "write out your spelling list. Write out your times tables."</p><p>easy child was getting increasingly hysterical. By the end of the year (Grade 3) easy child had worked her way through all the Grade 3, grade 4, Grade 5 and Grade 6 spelling words. When she ran out of spelling words the teacher told her to find her own. The next year she had the same teacher. Same homework. And would you believe - he re-set the spelling words for her to the beginning of year 4. Talking to him made no difference. So we changed schools.</p><p></p><p>2) A kid with ADHD on medications has enough trouble holding things together for the entire school day, to have to continue afterwards. With medications wearing off, to have to continue to stay focussed was just too much.</p><p></p><p>3) Related to above - the continuation of the school day into the home environment means a loss of refuge for a child, especially a child who is having any sort of behavioural or academic difficulty.</p><p></p><p>4) A child who (like easy child in example 1) was VERY resentful of being asked to do revision. I did a deal with the teacher to allow difficult child 3 to only do the hardest problems - beginning with the last one. If he found it too tricky then he had to do more. We counted on difficult child 3's Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) honesty. And we STILL do this, with his class work. What was really hurting was the feeling of futility, having to do work over and over when he already knew it. So we kept the spirit of the principle - use revision only if he needed to. But he needed to assess for himself if he needed to (or demonstrate it to us - maybe by working through a problem verbally, to show how he would answer it).</p><p></p><p>What has worked for us - </p><p></p><p>1) Asking for homework to be changed or dropped. There is no reason for homework to turn home into a battleground.</p><p></p><p>2) Changing homework from after school on weekdays, to getting it done in an hour on the weekend during the day sometime. Again, in consultation with the school.</p><p></p><p>3) Walk away. She doesn't have to do it. But she DOES have to take the consequences at school. Coupled with this one - DO NOT ENGAGE THE SCHOOL. If they try to punish her or you for this in any way that impacts on your home life, do not allow it. A school that tries to impose suspension for failure to do homework, for example, is someone punishing the family (because you have to stay home with a suspended child).</p><p></p><p>So if you intend to walk away - tell the school.</p><p></p><p>I would talk to the class teacher anyway, to at least let them know how hard this is. I am a strong believer in keeping the teacher fully informed. Sometimes they see part of the picture we don't, and when we tell them things like this it can give them the final piece of the puzzle to tell us what we need, to help the child.</p><p></p><p>Other things that helped - </p><p></p><p>4) Setting a time limit. "You only have to work at this for half an hour." Even give her choice in how long. Use standard bazaar bargaining techniques. You begin with, "Just half an hour, unless you think you can do it in less." If she insists she will only spend five minutes on it and you can't budge her, then accept. But she MUST actually WORK for five minutes, not sit and whine. The clock only moves when she's writing. When time is up, congratulate her on getting anything done at all. Then leave it.</p><p>Sometimes with this one, the class teacher will give you an appropriate time limit.</p><p></p><p>5) Food. difficult child 3 is skinny, he would often declare he needed to eat before doing homework. Instead, I would sit him with his books and his very favourite treats as healthy snacks. I might sit with him with my own treats and snacks. difficult child 3 loves cappuccino, for example (decaf, of course). So as a reward, I'd make him a cappuccino merely for attempting to do his work. He slowly began to associate doing the unpleasant work, with getting a treat. It turned the conditioned response on its head.</p><p></p><p>This one also meant that when the work was done, so was his afternoon tea. He was finally free to go play.</p><p></p><p>Our final change - we pulled him out of mainstream into Distance Ed (a correspondence home school option). No more homework. And y'know what? He's doing so much better in every way - socially (because he's free to go play with his friends instead of fighting over homework); academically (because he's learning in a quieter environment, and learning it better without the homework fights) and intellectually (he's now actively seeking out learning opportunities).</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 199764, member: 1991"] I'm increasingly anti-homework - the research is showing that it makes absolutely no difference to how well a kid does later on. It's currently a hot topic on Aussie TV with a number of our top media psychologists coming out and saying, "It doesn't work, it's archaic, kids should be outside running around and socialising instead of doing yet more schoolwork." There is a serious move afoot to ban homework but increase school hours by half an hour instead. HOWEVER - you have a big problem. First step is to find out WHY. We've had this problem in our house too. We had a range of causes - 1) The teacher was lazy and set exactly the same homework every night for a year - "write out your spelling list. Write out your times tables." easy child was getting increasingly hysterical. By the end of the year (Grade 3) easy child had worked her way through all the Grade 3, grade 4, Grade 5 and Grade 6 spelling words. When she ran out of spelling words the teacher told her to find her own. The next year she had the same teacher. Same homework. And would you believe - he re-set the spelling words for her to the beginning of year 4. Talking to him made no difference. So we changed schools. 2) A kid with ADHD on medications has enough trouble holding things together for the entire school day, to have to continue afterwards. With medications wearing off, to have to continue to stay focussed was just too much. 3) Related to above - the continuation of the school day into the home environment means a loss of refuge for a child, especially a child who is having any sort of behavioural or academic difficulty. 4) A child who (like easy child in example 1) was VERY resentful of being asked to do revision. I did a deal with the teacher to allow difficult child 3 to only do the hardest problems - beginning with the last one. If he found it too tricky then he had to do more. We counted on difficult child 3's Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) honesty. And we STILL do this, with his class work. What was really hurting was the feeling of futility, having to do work over and over when he already knew it. So we kept the spirit of the principle - use revision only if he needed to. But he needed to assess for himself if he needed to (or demonstrate it to us - maybe by working through a problem verbally, to show how he would answer it). What has worked for us - 1) Asking for homework to be changed or dropped. There is no reason for homework to turn home into a battleground. 2) Changing homework from after school on weekdays, to getting it done in an hour on the weekend during the day sometime. Again, in consultation with the school. 3) Walk away. She doesn't have to do it. But she DOES have to take the consequences at school. Coupled with this one - DO NOT ENGAGE THE SCHOOL. If they try to punish her or you for this in any way that impacts on your home life, do not allow it. A school that tries to impose suspension for failure to do homework, for example, is someone punishing the family (because you have to stay home with a suspended child). So if you intend to walk away - tell the school. I would talk to the class teacher anyway, to at least let them know how hard this is. I am a strong believer in keeping the teacher fully informed. Sometimes they see part of the picture we don't, and when we tell them things like this it can give them the final piece of the puzzle to tell us what we need, to help the child. Other things that helped - 4) Setting a time limit. "You only have to work at this for half an hour." Even give her choice in how long. Use standard bazaar bargaining techniques. You begin with, "Just half an hour, unless you think you can do it in less." If she insists she will only spend five minutes on it and you can't budge her, then accept. But she MUST actually WORK for five minutes, not sit and whine. The clock only moves when she's writing. When time is up, congratulate her on getting anything done at all. Then leave it. Sometimes with this one, the class teacher will give you an appropriate time limit. 5) Food. difficult child 3 is skinny, he would often declare he needed to eat before doing homework. Instead, I would sit him with his books and his very favourite treats as healthy snacks. I might sit with him with my own treats and snacks. difficult child 3 loves cappuccino, for example (decaf, of course). So as a reward, I'd make him a cappuccino merely for attempting to do his work. He slowly began to associate doing the unpleasant work, with getting a treat. It turned the conditioned response on its head. This one also meant that when the work was done, so was his afternoon tea. He was finally free to go play. Our final change - we pulled him out of mainstream into Distance Ed (a correspondence home school option). No more homework. And y'know what? He's doing so much better in every way - socially (because he's free to go play with his friends instead of fighting over homework); academically (because he's learning in a quieter environment, and learning it better without the homework fights) and intellectually (he's now actively seeking out learning opportunities). Marg [/QUOTE]
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