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Difficult child with possible Borderline (BPD)/self harm
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 750304" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Forget who she used to be. Kay is beautiful and not a dummy, and artistically gifted and was once a moody but sweet child. But she wont use her gifts. She is who she is today, in the moment. In the now. It's awful. But its its factual.</p><p></p><p>Unfortunately you have no legal way to force your kid into any program. Kay is a staunch atheist too. Many of our kids are. This I always felt is significant, not that its bad to be a responsible atheist adult. But Its easier for our kids to do anything they want, I believe, if there is no higher power.. That also makes it harder to find good programs for them that they may accept. But i don't think they would go anyway.</p><p></p><p>RN managed to do it, but her son was obviously ready. And cheers to him!! Normally we can't force programs on the kids. From long suffering experience, let your daughter decide what to do and, unlike us, don't push. I recommend not helping her make poor decisions either. We did. </p><p></p><p>It worked to make us feel better until she threw all we did in the trash. So we did it, but it was for us. Somebody says that here and I resonate with that.We "help"them to make US feel better, not for their good. Whoever says that, thank you. It helps. Its true. </p><p></p><p>Making us feel like caring moms doesn't help our kids. At all. They know we love them. That is all we need them to know. Your daughter is not afraid you will ever really abandon her. Every borderline is different anyway. They all have their own maladaptive ways of coping. Some self harm. Some develop anorexia, this is very common too. Some are overly promiscuous. Some shoplift. Some do other things. No two fit the text book. </p><p></p><p>Don't do what we did. Don't spend every day looking for that right fix. The right fix is in them only and when.they are ready. I think they enjoy telling us NO!</p><p></p><p>Be well. Trust your daughter to your higher power, if you have one.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 750304, member: 23706"] Forget who she used to be. Kay is beautiful and not a dummy, and artistically gifted and was once a moody but sweet child. But she wont use her gifts. She is who she is today, in the moment. In the now. It's awful. But its its factual. Unfortunately you have no legal way to force your kid into any program. Kay is a staunch atheist too. Many of our kids are. This I always felt is significant, not that its bad to be a responsible atheist adult. But Its easier for our kids to do anything they want, I believe, if there is no higher power.. That also makes it harder to find good programs for them that they may accept. But i don't think they would go anyway. RN managed to do it, but her son was obviously ready. And cheers to him!! Normally we can't force programs on the kids. From long suffering experience, let your daughter decide what to do and, unlike us, don't push. I recommend not helping her make poor decisions either. We did. It worked to make us feel better until she threw all we did in the trash. So we did it, but it was for us. Somebody says that here and I resonate with that.We "help"them to make US feel better, not for their good. Whoever says that, thank you. It helps. Its true. Making us feel like caring moms doesn't help our kids. At all. They know we love them. That is all we need them to know. Your daughter is not afraid you will ever really abandon her. Every borderline is different anyway. They all have their own maladaptive ways of coping. Some self harm. Some develop anorexia, this is very common too. Some are overly promiscuous. Some shoplift. Some do other things. No two fit the text book. Don't do what we did. Don't spend every day looking for that right fix. The right fix is in them only and when.they are ready. I think they enjoy telling us NO! Be well. Trust your daughter to your higher power, if you have one. [/QUOTE]
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