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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 660737" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>I'm so sorry. </p><p></p><p>About giving up or not giving up: Here is my take on that. I believe we can't know if or when another person is going to change.</p><p></p><p>People change when they are completely sick and tired of their current situation. And only then.</p><p></p><p>He may change, or he may not change.</p><p></p><p>What do we do with this? I believe we spend our time and our lives being the best WE can be, and enjoying life to the fullest, and learning how to do that, even if our precious adult children never get it together and aren't part of our lives.</p><p></p><p>That is incredibly sad, and we have to grieve it.</p><p></p><p>Then, after we grieve, or after the current wave of grief passes, we have to get up and move forward.</p><p></p><p>That is very hard to do, so we have to have a lot of help. We often have to get professional help through a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist or our primary care provider, we have to go to 12-step groups like Al-Anon, we have to read books, journal, pray, meditate, exercise, find and do things that we like and make us happy, spend time with friends, develop new hobbies, take trips, walk by the lake,...anything and everything to live a good, happy, full and peaceful life.</p><p></p><p>We have to learn how to accept reality. Most of us have longstanding "Cinderella stories" in our heads, the way we always thought "things were going to be." We have to let go of all of that nonsense, and learn how to accept what is right in front of us, and accept that we can't do one single thing to change another person.</p><p></p><p>We have to learn what that really, truly means. It takes a long time, with a lot of missteps.</p><p></p><p>I will tell you this straight out, and it sounds like you are well on the way to knowing it already: Whatever happened in the past, you did the best you could at the time. You did what you thought you had to do. Was it perfect? Not likely. But that's okay, because you aren't perfect, and you are never going to be perfect.</p><p></p><p>You did the best you could and now you have to let go of the outcome.</p><p></p><p>It is time for YOU. You have just one life. Start living it. There are many positive people who will like to be in your life, even if your children don't. Find them and start living.</p><p></p><p>We are here for you. Warm hugs today.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 660737, member: 17542"] I'm so sorry. About giving up or not giving up: Here is my take on that. I believe we can't know if or when another person is going to change. People change when they are completely sick and tired of their current situation. And only then. He may change, or he may not change. What do we do with this? I believe we spend our time and our lives being the best WE can be, and enjoying life to the fullest, and learning how to do that, even if our precious adult children never get it together and aren't part of our lives. That is incredibly sad, and we have to grieve it. Then, after we grieve, or after the current wave of grief passes, we have to get up and move forward. That is very hard to do, so we have to have a lot of help. We often have to get professional help through a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist or our primary care provider, we have to go to 12-step groups like Al-Anon, we have to read books, journal, pray, meditate, exercise, find and do things that we like and make us happy, spend time with friends, develop new hobbies, take trips, walk by the lake,...anything and everything to live a good, happy, full and peaceful life. We have to learn how to accept reality. Most of us have longstanding "Cinderella stories" in our heads, the way we always thought "things were going to be." We have to let go of all of that nonsense, and learn how to accept what is right in front of us, and accept that we can't do one single thing to change another person. We have to learn what that really, truly means. It takes a long time, with a lot of missteps. I will tell you this straight out, and it sounds like you are well on the way to knowing it already: Whatever happened in the past, you did the best you could at the time. You did what you thought you had to do. Was it perfect? Not likely. But that's okay, because you aren't perfect, and you are never going to be perfect. You did the best you could and now you have to let go of the outcome. It is time for YOU. You have just one life. Start living it. There are many positive people who will like to be in your life, even if your children don't. Find them and start living. We are here for you. Warm hugs today. [/QUOTE]
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