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difficult children, curfews, boundaries ...help!
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 529933" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>Dash, in my opinion living at home as an adult is a <strong>privilege</strong>, NOT a right. This sets the right attitude/frame of mind for setting up rules and curfews.</p><p></p><p>For my adult kids:</p><p></p><p>1. Curfew is at midnight. If you're out later, you won't be let in. If you stay out all night, I hope you have someone else to live because obviously you really don't need the bed at my house. </p><p></p><p>2. Rent is due on the first of the month. No excuses. Rent will be paid by any child NOT in school full time going for a degree. I usually charge about 150.00 per mo because it depends on wages earned. I want them left with enough to eventually MOVE OUT. </p><p></p><p>3. You will clean up after yourself, including your room, laundry ect. I am not your maid. </p><p></p><p>4. You will help around the house with any chore I see fit to ask you to do. And although it may be worded as if I'm asking you..........I'm actually politely <strong>telling</strong> you I want such and such done and no back talk. </p><p></p><p>5. You will take active steps toward moving out. Such as a savings account to put back funds for deposits, looking for full time work. You are an adult, not a perpetual teenager. </p><p></p><p>6. You will be considerate enough to let me know where you are in case of emergencies and when you expect to be home. </p><p></p><p>7. No difficult child drama on the homefront. I don't tolerate drama. Period. Take it elsewhere. </p><p></p><p>I've not had any issues with these rules. My kids knew what they'd be way back in Jr High. lol They're reasonable, treat the person as a responsible adult, still respect their privacy.....while constantly reminding them that the goal is to move out and they're in the home only because you choose to be kind enough to allow it. </p><p></p><p>It was comical for Nichole to explain to Friends or her now husband why she had to be at home by midnight at 18. She was <strong>never</strong> late. Not once. She knew I meant it. I had no drama. Nichole helped me cook/clean (actually I miss that lol) </p><p></p><p>If you don't set rules, you're going to find yourself with a kid who quickly adapts to being the perpetual teen with too much freedom.........and you'll have them coming and going at all hours, messes to clean up, difficult child drama to contend with yadda yadda. To save myself from all that, I came up with these rules long before my kids reached adulthood. </p><p></p><p>If she doesn't like it, she can move. YOUR house YOUR rules. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 529933, member: 84"] Dash, in my opinion living at home as an adult is a [B]privilege[/B], NOT a right. This sets the right attitude/frame of mind for setting up rules and curfews. For my adult kids: 1. Curfew is at midnight. If you're out later, you won't be let in. If you stay out all night, I hope you have someone else to live because obviously you really don't need the bed at my house. 2. Rent is due on the first of the month. No excuses. Rent will be paid by any child NOT in school full time going for a degree. I usually charge about 150.00 per mo because it depends on wages earned. I want them left with enough to eventually MOVE OUT. 3. You will clean up after yourself, including your room, laundry ect. I am not your maid. 4. You will help around the house with any chore I see fit to ask you to do. And although it may be worded as if I'm asking you..........I'm actually politely [B]telling[/B] you I want such and such done and no back talk. 5. You will take active steps toward moving out. Such as a savings account to put back funds for deposits, looking for full time work. You are an adult, not a perpetual teenager. 6. You will be considerate enough to let me know where you are in case of emergencies and when you expect to be home. 7. No difficult child drama on the homefront. I don't tolerate drama. Period. Take it elsewhere. I've not had any issues with these rules. My kids knew what they'd be way back in Jr High. lol They're reasonable, treat the person as a responsible adult, still respect their privacy.....while constantly reminding them that the goal is to move out and they're in the home only because you choose to be kind enough to allow it. It was comical for Nichole to explain to Friends or her now husband why she had to be at home by midnight at 18. She was [B]never[/B] late. Not once. She knew I meant it. I had no drama. Nichole helped me cook/clean (actually I miss that lol) If you don't set rules, you're going to find yourself with a kid who quickly adapts to being the perpetual teen with too much freedom.........and you'll have them coming and going at all hours, messes to clean up, difficult child drama to contend with yadda yadda. To save myself from all that, I came up with these rules long before my kids reached adulthood. If she doesn't like it, she can move. YOUR house YOUR rules. Hugs [/QUOTE]
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