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difficult child's joblessness is getting to me. Not sure where to go from here
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<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 551404" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>I know you're not ready to kick her out, and I do understand that. I've been there. But I have to be blunt: you're making it very easy for her NOT to work. She has no reason to change, there is no consequence to her not working. She's got it made. She's probably happy to keep up this life as long as she can get away with it. And quite honestly, it will go on as long as you let it go on .... that is entirely within your control. Only you can decide when enough is enough. But I completely understand the pain, the fear, and the anguish of wrestling with the "I can't kick her out" dilemma. </p><p></p><p>So the only advice I can give you is what I've said before: if you're not ready to kick her out, you have to find way for yourself to live with it. The only way I did that, when Youngest was living with me, was to go to therapy on a regular basis. I went every 2 weeks like clockwork. I threw myself into a social life, and stayed away from home as much as possible. Sometimes that really hoovered, I felt like I couldn't go home to my own house... there were days I sat in the parking lot and dreaded walking in the door. But I somehow got through it. </p><p></p><p>You *can't* make her work. You can't *make* her do anything. I think you need to accept that, and stop waiting for a lightbulb to go on in her head all of a sudden. It's just not the way most difficult children are programmed. </p><p></p><p>It's time to focus on your own changes, and not on whatever changes she is or isn't making. You're doing all the worrying here, she's certainly not worried about it is she? You're doing more work than she is on this. Don't own that worry. Put it squarely on her shoulders. Step back and breathe. </p><p></p><p>Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 551404, member: 1157"] I know you're not ready to kick her out, and I do understand that. I've been there. But I have to be blunt: you're making it very easy for her NOT to work. She has no reason to change, there is no consequence to her not working. She's got it made. She's probably happy to keep up this life as long as she can get away with it. And quite honestly, it will go on as long as you let it go on .... that is entirely within your control. Only you can decide when enough is enough. But I completely understand the pain, the fear, and the anguish of wrestling with the "I can't kick her out" dilemma. So the only advice I can give you is what I've said before: if you're not ready to kick her out, you have to find way for yourself to live with it. The only way I did that, when Youngest was living with me, was to go to therapy on a regular basis. I went every 2 weeks like clockwork. I threw myself into a social life, and stayed away from home as much as possible. Sometimes that really hoovered, I felt like I couldn't go home to my own house... there were days I sat in the parking lot and dreaded walking in the door. But I somehow got through it. You *can't* make her work. You can't *make* her do anything. I think you need to accept that, and stop waiting for a lightbulb to go on in her head all of a sudden. It's just not the way most difficult children are programmed. It's time to focus on your own changes, and not on whatever changes she is or isn't making. You're doing all the worrying here, she's certainly not worried about it is she? You're doing more work than she is on this. Don't own that worry. Put it squarely on her shoulders. Step back and breathe. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child's joblessness is getting to me. Not sure where to go from here
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