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difficult child's plan
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 314646"><p><em>Very similar to what jbrain said in her post, we do not co-sign anything for difficult child. We give her money under a few different circumstances. The main one is if and when she is living up to her end of the bargain we have set up for her. We have set up certain reasonable rules and if she is respectful to us and follow the rules, then we help her out. It is in a small way, but it is designed to give her a hand in life. There are a few occasions, </em><em>where we help her financially like jbrain says with our 'eyes wide open' and not out of guilt, but because it would make us feel better and we know it would be helpful for her. However, we are doing our best to make wise choices and to do this in a limited fashion. Knock on wood, crossing myself, lighting a candle and thanking my Higher Power, difficult child now has a part time job (something she has been trying to do for a looong time now). Together with SSI, she is able to make ends meet more or less on her own and she feels self sufficient. She recently signed up for a course at the community college, is seeing her therapist regularly and has (for real) dumped her alcoholic boyfriend. (More crossing myself and thanking my Higher Power). difficult child knows that by and large, she gets very little help from us unless she is respectful to us and she follows the rules. We do not ask very difficult things of her. We do understand that she has limitations. But we do expect her to try her best with-i her capabilities. I think more and more she understands this and I think (more crossing myself and thanking of G-d) this has been a helpful thing. Sadly, it took lots of weird, difficult, painful and sorrowful experiences before she got to this point and I do wonder if she can maintain this mindset. I think that as long as she goes to the mental health counselor, she is likely to move in the right direction. For us, finding a therapist that took an active role and gave homework each week, helped difficult child to move forward. It was also helpful that difficult child realized that husband and I were no longer going to overly concern ourselves with her antics. We set up reasonable rules and found her a great counselor. The rest was and is up to her.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em>p.s. Nancy, I do hope that you will ask around for a really good mental health counselor for her...one with experience working with young women who have issues like what your daughter is struggling with. It might take a lot of asking around, but if you find such a person, it can be a great thing. Hopefully, at some point, your daughter would consent to go regularly.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p><p><em></em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 314646"] [I]Very similar to what jbrain said in her post, we do not co-sign anything for difficult child. We give her money under a few different circumstances. The main one is if and when she is living up to her end of the bargain we have set up for her. We have set up certain reasonable rules and if she is respectful to us and follow the rules, then we help her out. It is in a small way, but it is designed to give her a hand in life. There are a few occasions, [/I][I]where we help her financially like jbrain says with our 'eyes wide open' and not out of guilt, but because it would make us feel better and we know it would be helpful for her. However, we are doing our best to make wise choices and to do this in a limited fashion. Knock on wood, crossing myself, lighting a candle and thanking my Higher Power, difficult child now has a part time job (something she has been trying to do for a looong time now). Together with SSI, she is able to make ends meet more or less on her own and she feels self sufficient. She recently signed up for a course at the community college, is seeing her therapist regularly and has (for real) dumped her alcoholic boyfriend. (More crossing myself and thanking my Higher Power). difficult child knows that by and large, she gets very little help from us unless she is respectful to us and she follows the rules. We do not ask very difficult things of her. We do understand that she has limitations. But we do expect her to try her best with-i her capabilities. I think more and more she understands this and I think (more crossing myself and thanking of G-d) this has been a helpful thing. Sadly, it took lots of weird, difficult, painful and sorrowful experiences before she got to this point and I do wonder if she can maintain this mindset. I think that as long as she goes to the mental health counselor, she is likely to move in the right direction. For us, finding a therapist that took an active role and gave homework each week, helped difficult child to move forward. It was also helpful that difficult child realized that husband and I were no longer going to overly concern ourselves with her antics. We set up reasonable rules and found her a great counselor. The rest was and is up to her. p.s. Nancy, I do hope that you will ask around for a really good mental health counselor for her...one with experience working with young women who have issues like what your daughter is struggling with. It might take a lot of asking around, but if you find such a person, it can be a great thing. Hopefully, at some point, your daughter would consent to go regularly. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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