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difficult child's problem with stepmother
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<blockquote data-quote="dstc_99" data-source="post: 577744" data-attributes="member: 15473"><p>First opinion......after reading it is that you should have a meeting with the Ex and maybe have mother in law attend since the stepmom wont come. See if you cant find a way to do it on neutral turf with a therapist or impartial third party if possible. I would stay off the side of accusations but I would say difficult child has mentioned some things that I am concerned about and I wanted to see if you feel they are issues or difficult child being a difficult child. As parents you should be on the same page about issues needing to be addressed. Doesn't mean you have to agree on the resolutions or the issues it just means that for the benefit of your children you should be aware. Let the Ex know you are concerned that difficult child seems to be really stressed about his relationship with the stepmom. Let him know that difficult child is telling you he doesn't want to upset her and that he is trying really hard not to. Ask him if there are things difficult child can do to relieve the stress between them. Remind him difficult child is 9 and really needs to feel safe and know what is expected so he wont upset stepmom or dad. Let Ex know that you want difficult child, ex, and stepmom to be as good as they can be because they are an important part of the family.</p><p></p><p>Maybe if you approach it from the angle that you are trying to strengthen the bonds in their home and not as an accusation of stepmom being mean you would get farther? Maybe if you point out that you thought they should be aware that difficult child is stressed with stepmom and really wants to know how make things better they will see it as less of an affront and more of a olive branch. </p><p></p><p>Now all of that may make you want to gag but the truth of the matter is that Ex is probably not going to leave the stepmom and difficult child is going to be forced to deal with her. In the long run the most important thing is that difficult child form a bond with his dad and his stepmom that is comfortable and supportive. You can hate her all you want and the ex for that case but difficult child's stress is probably feeding off that as well as the treatment. Having just allowed my difficult child to move out I understand the lack of sympathy for ex and stepmom since they did you wrong but this isnt about them it is about difficult child. His diagnosis's mean he needs stability and support if you have to swallow your tongue in order to give it to him then do it. It is much better to know your enemy than to pretend they don't exist. </p><p></p><p>Plus who cares who has to eat the crow as long as difficult child wins in the long run.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dstc_99, post: 577744, member: 15473"] First opinion......after reading it is that you should have a meeting with the Ex and maybe have mother in law attend since the stepmom wont come. See if you cant find a way to do it on neutral turf with a therapist or impartial third party if possible. I would stay off the side of accusations but I would say difficult child has mentioned some things that I am concerned about and I wanted to see if you feel they are issues or difficult child being a difficult child. As parents you should be on the same page about issues needing to be addressed. Doesn't mean you have to agree on the resolutions or the issues it just means that for the benefit of your children you should be aware. Let the Ex know you are concerned that difficult child seems to be really stressed about his relationship with the stepmom. Let him know that difficult child is telling you he doesn't want to upset her and that he is trying really hard not to. Ask him if there are things difficult child can do to relieve the stress between them. Remind him difficult child is 9 and really needs to feel safe and know what is expected so he wont upset stepmom or dad. Let Ex know that you want difficult child, ex, and stepmom to be as good as they can be because they are an important part of the family. Maybe if you approach it from the angle that you are trying to strengthen the bonds in their home and not as an accusation of stepmom being mean you would get farther? Maybe if you point out that you thought they should be aware that difficult child is stressed with stepmom and really wants to know how make things better they will see it as less of an affront and more of a olive branch. Now all of that may make you want to gag but the truth of the matter is that Ex is probably not going to leave the stepmom and difficult child is going to be forced to deal with her. In the long run the most important thing is that difficult child form a bond with his dad and his stepmom that is comfortable and supportive. You can hate her all you want and the ex for that case but difficult child's stress is probably feeding off that as well as the treatment. Having just allowed my difficult child to move out I understand the lack of sympathy for ex and stepmom since they did you wrong but this isnt about them it is about difficult child. His diagnosis's mean he needs stability and support if you have to swallow your tongue in order to give it to him then do it. It is much better to know your enemy than to pretend they don't exist. Plus who cares who has to eat the crow as long as difficult child wins in the long run. [/QUOTE]
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