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difficult child's Respond To Tough Parents?
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<blockquote data-quote="Wonderful Family" data-source="post: 164289"><p>Thanks for the quick response. I saw the typo - but it was too late! Sorry. I just saw the spell check.</p><p></p><p>I totally agree with listening to our kids - it's the <em>only</em> way to reach my son. Which is why I was curious about how he phrased his comment to me, and how to turn it around to him in a way that he would understand and perhaps help others communicate with him better. </p><p></p><p>It's never authority over him, he freaks out over this and will shut down immeidately or lash out - more of who's ultimately responsible for things, sort of a big fence surrounding him. </p><p></p><p>What works? medications - semi-stability and maturity on our part and his?? I tried to write this - but nothing sounds right and I start sounding like I'm writing a book and a know it all or no clue (which is true) or I'm lecturing! He has a very structured and rigid life - probably too much, but when we lighten up even a little - he goes off immediately.</p><p></p><p>So much is driven by fear - which leads to anxiety - which leads to the varius meltdowns/aggression/violence. He essentially lives in this fright/fight mode. As he is learning to be responsible for just a few basic things, the things that are just bad habits have slowed down a lot. </p><p></p><p>The easiest way to say it is putting responsibility for his reactions on him(not necessarily actions - usually he has consequences enough without us adding more). If he can focus on that - it seems to give him the control he needs maybe and perhaps put some level of responsibility back on the adults versus him - security?? (where it should be)</p><p></p><p>Having to live with the unintended consequences from really stupid things now are motivating him to change - a tiny little bit - but that's what makes the big difference. Mind you - it was and is things that make no sense - only in his head; and why we keep pushing forward. How can this perfectly evil acting and sounding child still show up at home on time and apologize for coming in 15 minutes late?</p><p></p><p></p><p>Me - 40 something</p><p></p><p>husband of 23 years, great dad and husband</p><p></p><p>difficult child Big Bear-Son: 12, BiPolar (BP)/not otherwise specified/Mood Disorder/not otherwise specified, ADHD, Anxiety, ODD - medications lamictal 150mg, geodon 60mg, omega 3</p><p></p><p>easy child Prince Charming - Son: 8 ADHD - Concerta 18mg, Omega 3</p><p style="text-align: right"></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wonderful Family, post: 164289"] Thanks for the quick response. I saw the typo - but it was too late! Sorry. I just saw the spell check. I totally agree with listening to our kids - it's the [I]only[/I] way to reach my son. Which is why I was curious about how he phrased his comment to me, and how to turn it around to him in a way that he would understand and perhaps help others communicate with him better. It's never authority over him, he freaks out over this and will shut down immeidately or lash out - more of who's ultimately responsible for things, sort of a big fence surrounding him. What works? medications - semi-stability and maturity on our part and his?? I tried to write this - but nothing sounds right and I start sounding like I'm writing a book and a know it all or no clue (which is true) or I'm lecturing! He has a very structured and rigid life - probably too much, but when we lighten up even a little - he goes off immediately. So much is driven by fear - which leads to anxiety - which leads to the varius meltdowns/aggression/violence. He essentially lives in this fright/fight mode. As he is learning to be responsible for just a few basic things, the things that are just bad habits have slowed down a lot. The easiest way to say it is putting responsibility for his reactions on him(not necessarily actions - usually he has consequences enough without us adding more). If he can focus on that - it seems to give him the control he needs maybe and perhaps put some level of responsibility back on the adults versus him - security?? (where it should be) Having to live with the unintended consequences from really stupid things now are motivating him to change - a tiny little bit - but that's what makes the big difference. Mind you - it was and is things that make no sense - only in his head; and why we keep pushing forward. How can this perfectly evil acting and sounding child still show up at home on time and apologize for coming in 15 minutes late? Me - 40 something husband of 23 years, great dad and husband difficult child Big Bear-Son: 12, BiPolar (BP)/not otherwise specified/Mood Disorder/not otherwise specified, ADHD, Anxiety, ODD - medications lamictal 150mg, geodon 60mg, omega 3 easy child Prince Charming - Son: 8 ADHD - Concerta 18mg, Omega 3 [RIGHT][/RIGHT] [/QUOTE]
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