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difficult child's Respond To Tough Parents?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 164424" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Wonderful Family, </p><p></p><p>WEll thank goodness you finally came out of the lurker. Er locker!!! Welcome to the board. </p><p></p><p>really we have a spell check? See I learned something. Had no clue. Thanks. </p><p></p><p>I don't know who you know and who you do not know - but I have a 17 year old child with a coconut for a head, and beautiful heart, but terribly short fuse. As he's matured it's gotten better. IT just didn't happen - he's been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, on medications, in psychiatric hospitals, had dozens of therapists, I have read a bogus amount of books thanks to OH we think he has THIS - disorder of the month club. My card is punched full. I should get a free ride or air miles or something. </p><p></p><p>We too tried everything there was - I have advocated for this child until I couldn't do it any longer not because I can't - but because I won't. It's a tough call to say that he responded to one thing or another because about the time we felt something was working - he'd change up and we'd start all over again and again to the point of me having a stroke due to stress. My health has taken quite the nose dive. A lot of the damage not fixable. </p><p></p><p>When I exhausted all of my known avenues, like MRI's for chemical imbalance, and EEG's and blood tests, and heavy metal tests, and on and on and everything came back negative - it became apparent to us that if we didn't start tough love sometime - we really may loose him. I've been fortunate that Dude has never done drugs. I'm iffy on the alcohol, but only once if ever. He currently is living in a therapeutic foster home, going to get his GED, trying to find a job, and awaiting a court date that may sentence him to 15 years for a crime he was accused of but did not do. Reputation of his group home preceded him. </p><p></p><p>I continue to advocate for him but from afar. I've tried my best through therapy to butt out, and let life give him his lumps. The hardest part about that was in knowing when I did - MY LIFE would ultimately be harder. Like If I allowed him to go to jail - I would have to go to court, I would have to find an attorney etc - OR let him hang on his own - WE let him hang on his own. It really was a dose of reality. </p><p></p><p>When he left home - I gave him birth certificate, Medicaid, and SS - he has lost ALL but the birthcertificate - when he called asking me to get new ones I gave him the numbers to the places and told him HE had to do it. When he called and said he had lost his only pair of shoes - I said he better find someone with a loaner pair. When he called and said he was depressed I said BEtter call the psychiatrist. Stuff like that - NOT just totally throwing him to the wolves.....he is in a foster home, and only there because he does NOT do drugs. His behavior is WAY out there and has been for years. </p><p></p><p>But ---he's made arrangements for new cards, he's made his own therapy appointements, he goes to school, he's trying to work but thats never really going to pan out in my humble opinion - he's not able to stay anywhere for longer than 10 minutes and if he had to handle customers he'd be fired pronto - he can't take direction because NOT EVERYONE is going to know EFFECTIVE Communication - which I feel is KEY in being able to communicate with difficult child's - </p><p></p><p>I did a study course called Effective comm. It was worth it's weight in gold. But the best BOOK I have ever read a lovely lady bought for me - and it is called How to speak so your kids will listen and HOW to listen so your kids will speak. </p><p></p><p>IT's like -(swear) a holy book for reaching your kids - and it reaches other people too - </p><p></p><p>I wish you the best - </p><p>Glad you found us</p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 164424, member: 4964"] Wonderful Family, WEll thank goodness you finally came out of the lurker. Er locker!!! Welcome to the board. really we have a spell check? See I learned something. Had no clue. Thanks. I don't know who you know and who you do not know - but I have a 17 year old child with a coconut for a head, and beautiful heart, but terribly short fuse. As he's matured it's gotten better. IT just didn't happen - he's been in Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, on medications, in psychiatric hospitals, had dozens of therapists, I have read a bogus amount of books thanks to OH we think he has THIS - disorder of the month club. My card is punched full. I should get a free ride or air miles or something. We too tried everything there was - I have advocated for this child until I couldn't do it any longer not because I can't - but because I won't. It's a tough call to say that he responded to one thing or another because about the time we felt something was working - he'd change up and we'd start all over again and again to the point of me having a stroke due to stress. My health has taken quite the nose dive. A lot of the damage not fixable. When I exhausted all of my known avenues, like MRI's for chemical imbalance, and EEG's and blood tests, and heavy metal tests, and on and on and everything came back negative - it became apparent to us that if we didn't start tough love sometime - we really may loose him. I've been fortunate that Dude has never done drugs. I'm iffy on the alcohol, but only once if ever. He currently is living in a therapeutic foster home, going to get his GED, trying to find a job, and awaiting a court date that may sentence him to 15 years for a crime he was accused of but did not do. Reputation of his group home preceded him. I continue to advocate for him but from afar. I've tried my best through therapy to butt out, and let life give him his lumps. The hardest part about that was in knowing when I did - MY LIFE would ultimately be harder. Like If I allowed him to go to jail - I would have to go to court, I would have to find an attorney etc - OR let him hang on his own - WE let him hang on his own. It really was a dose of reality. When he left home - I gave him birth certificate, Medicaid, and SS - he has lost ALL but the birthcertificate - when he called asking me to get new ones I gave him the numbers to the places and told him HE had to do it. When he called and said he had lost his only pair of shoes - I said he better find someone with a loaner pair. When he called and said he was depressed I said BEtter call the psychiatrist. Stuff like that - NOT just totally throwing him to the wolves.....he is in a foster home, and only there because he does NOT do drugs. His behavior is WAY out there and has been for years. But ---he's made arrangements for new cards, he's made his own therapy appointements, he goes to school, he's trying to work but thats never really going to pan out in my humble opinion - he's not able to stay anywhere for longer than 10 minutes and if he had to handle customers he'd be fired pronto - he can't take direction because NOT EVERYONE is going to know EFFECTIVE Communication - which I feel is KEY in being able to communicate with difficult child's - I did a study course called Effective comm. It was worth it's weight in gold. But the best BOOK I have ever read a lovely lady bought for me - and it is called How to speak so your kids will listen and HOW to listen so your kids will speak. IT's like -(swear) a holy book for reaching your kids - and it reaches other people too - I wish you the best - Glad you found us Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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