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difficult child's Respond To Tough Parents?
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<blockquote data-quote="Wonderful Family" data-source="post: 164632"><p>Holding our son more accountable is working (mind you - to some degree). We only had any real success once I have up on <em>always</em> trying to figure out the triggers. To some extent, we don't care too much anymore about how he feels - only what his reaction is. </p><p> </p><p>This doesn't mean we don't change envrionments or watch carefully for triggers still - we definitely do. One of the key things I saw with this approach was helping to identify where the real problems were - not just the bad behavior or habits. We also jump in right away when he says that someone else gets away with things more than he does - and ask him what would be required to get him to have the right actions. He usually says he's more difficult.</p><p> </p><p>There are real limits with this approach. We took a mini-vacation last week; there was no point in not giving him an "entire" day to do what he wanted (as long as we can make it work for everyone else) - nothing would have changed his focus and he would have made everyone else miserable. Fortunately, it was a small resort town and he wanted to shop, we just had a nice lunch sitting in the sun - no big deal.</p><p> </p><p>When we aren't home or in normal surroundings, I can count down the days as I watch the behavior get worse as he becomes more uncomfortable.</p><p> </p><p>However, this approach <em>seems</em> to allow us all to start learning about how to avoid things. Such as - is it worth talking in the car on your cell phone with your little brother in the car for a 2 minute ride - you'll just get mad and blow-up.</p><p> </p><p>This is just something that is working the last 2 or 3 months; we constantly have to shift techniques around.</p><p> </p><p>One last comment on The Explosive Child - I recently picked up the new book that is written towards therapists and teachers; it's not terribly technical and actually had some better insights than the original book. It actually gave me several approaches to use beyond just the basket (what to do and how to continue implementing it even when it does not seem to be working).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Wonderful Family, post: 164632"] Holding our son more accountable is working (mind you - to some degree). We only had any real success once I have up on [I]always[/I] trying to figure out the triggers. To some extent, we don't care too much anymore about how he feels - only what his reaction is. This doesn't mean we don't change envrionments or watch carefully for triggers still - we definitely do. One of the key things I saw with this approach was helping to identify where the real problems were - not just the bad behavior or habits. We also jump in right away when he says that someone else gets away with things more than he does - and ask him what would be required to get him to have the right actions. He usually says he's more difficult. There are real limits with this approach. We took a mini-vacation last week; there was no point in not giving him an "entire" day to do what he wanted (as long as we can make it work for everyone else) - nothing would have changed his focus and he would have made everyone else miserable. Fortunately, it was a small resort town and he wanted to shop, we just had a nice lunch sitting in the sun - no big deal. When we aren't home or in normal surroundings, I can count down the days as I watch the behavior get worse as he becomes more uncomfortable. However, this approach [I]seems[/I] to allow us all to start learning about how to avoid things. Such as - is it worth talking in the car on your cell phone with your little brother in the car for a 2 minute ride - you'll just get mad and blow-up. This is just something that is working the last 2 or 3 months; we constantly have to shift techniques around. One last comment on The Explosive Child - I recently picked up the new book that is written towards therapists and teachers; it's not terribly technical and actually had some better insights than the original book. It actually gave me several approaches to use beyond just the basket (what to do and how to continue implementing it even when it does not seem to be working). [/QUOTE]
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