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difficult child's social skills, how on earth is he so uneven
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 576705" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p>MWM: Yes, with my difficult child there will always be some unanswered whys. He just doesn't fit nicely to any box, but will always be a mixed bag. I do know many young adults who have had difficult time fitting in as kids feel very relieved if they later get some answers (like late diagnosis of asperger or ADHD) even if not much is to be done any more. But mine will likely always need to deal with the fact that he is just little different and untypical. That all people are different and some are just little more different than others, as his neurologist 'diagnosed' him after his second full evaluation. </p><p></p><p>And he is very fortunate position there he is getting help with areas that cause him difficulties even if no one can say why they cause him problems. And of course he has also acquired some diagnosable problems, addiction, PTSD, anxiety and all that and those do explain some of his current issues.</p><p></p><p>Mine may also not be likeable or even genuinely that nice person, but he is loveable in his own way. I mean, as mothers we do love even our most screwed up kids, but I'm not an only person attached to my difficult child. And it's not just other family and his girlfriend, but there is something in him that makes also other people attach to him. Some genuine vulnerability and innocence to which many people answer with will to protect.</p><p></p><p>But with that he is also a mixed bag. You mentioned animals. My difficult child likes animals and has always been very attached to our dogs. One dog we took when he was five-year-old. He loved that dog so much. She was his best friend and companion and the one difficult child told and cried all his worries to. And dog adored difficult child. Few years ago she was getting older, she was heavier breed (rottweiler) and had arthritis and that started to cause her problems and I was thinking about putting her down. I strongly believe dogs can't lament days they don't live but they certainly feel pain, so I think it is always better to put down a dog month too early than day too late. </p><p></p><p>Her pain medication wasn't keeping pain totally in bay but she still had mostly good days with some bad, but bad were coming more frequent. And she wasn't getting better. My husband only wanted to see her good days and wanted to postpone the pain of letting her go. When kids heard about us talking about it, easy child very predictably and child like also only saw how she still played and wagged her tail and cried how she was okay and could live many more years still and how I was mean wanting to kill her. I was so sure that putting her down would be really tough thing for difficult child and he would blame me even worse than easy child, because he was so close to that dog. But, while very sad about it, difficult child showed certain toughness or hardness I didn't expect and in fact was able to step back and see that his beloved friend was suffering, not getting better and best thing for her was to get away before it would get really bad. He even came with me to vet office (husband has never been able to handle that) and petted her while vet put her to sleep. And was able to be calm and not to cry before she was in sleep to not to scare her. I was impressed and little taken aback by that at the same time. I didn't expect that kind of toughness from him at that age. But I also decided that if I ever have to give medical power of attorney over me to anyone, it will be difficult child and not husband or easy child.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 576705, member: 14557"] MWM: Yes, with my difficult child there will always be some unanswered whys. He just doesn't fit nicely to any box, but will always be a mixed bag. I do know many young adults who have had difficult time fitting in as kids feel very relieved if they later get some answers (like late diagnosis of asperger or ADHD) even if not much is to be done any more. But mine will likely always need to deal with the fact that he is just little different and untypical. That all people are different and some are just little more different than others, as his neurologist 'diagnosed' him after his second full evaluation. And he is very fortunate position there he is getting help with areas that cause him difficulties even if no one can say why they cause him problems. And of course he has also acquired some diagnosable problems, addiction, PTSD, anxiety and all that and those do explain some of his current issues. Mine may also not be likeable or even genuinely that nice person, but he is loveable in his own way. I mean, as mothers we do love even our most screwed up kids, but I'm not an only person attached to my difficult child. And it's not just other family and his girlfriend, but there is something in him that makes also other people attach to him. Some genuine vulnerability and innocence to which many people answer with will to protect. But with that he is also a mixed bag. You mentioned animals. My difficult child likes animals and has always been very attached to our dogs. One dog we took when he was five-year-old. He loved that dog so much. She was his best friend and companion and the one difficult child told and cried all his worries to. And dog adored difficult child. Few years ago she was getting older, she was heavier breed (rottweiler) and had arthritis and that started to cause her problems and I was thinking about putting her down. I strongly believe dogs can't lament days they don't live but they certainly feel pain, so I think it is always better to put down a dog month too early than day too late. Her pain medication wasn't keeping pain totally in bay but she still had mostly good days with some bad, but bad were coming more frequent. And she wasn't getting better. My husband only wanted to see her good days and wanted to postpone the pain of letting her go. When kids heard about us talking about it, easy child very predictably and child like also only saw how she still played and wagged her tail and cried how she was okay and could live many more years still and how I was mean wanting to kill her. I was so sure that putting her down would be really tough thing for difficult child and he would blame me even worse than easy child, because he was so close to that dog. But, while very sad about it, difficult child showed certain toughness or hardness I didn't expect and in fact was able to step back and see that his beloved friend was suffering, not getting better and best thing for her was to get away before it would get really bad. He even came with me to vet office (husband has never been able to handle that) and petted her while vet put her to sleep. And was able to be calm and not to cry before she was in sleep to not to scare her. I was impressed and little taken aback by that at the same time. I didn't expect that kind of toughness from him at that age. But I also decided that if I ever have to give medical power of attorney over me to anyone, it will be difficult child and not husband or easy child. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child's social skills, how on earth is he so uneven
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