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difficult child's topping himself...
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 229171" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It does sound like you're doing what you can, Shari. Good luck with the family visit. We still have similar problems with difficult child 3 and this sort of thing. Crikey, just yesterday we had a mini-explosion between difficult child 1 and his new wife, which I think was at least partly due to the crowded family surrounding/suffocating him. Thankfully, they both sorted it out for themselves within minutes and it was difficult child 1 who went to his wife (shut herself in the bathroom) and apologised, comforted her, resolved it quietly between them and then both came to the dinner table happy with each other and the topic not discussed. </p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 WAS where your wee difficult child is now. It takes time, a lot of patience and a lot of practice.</p><p></p><p>At mother in law's (which is where we were yesterday) there is a lot of family, all making a lot of noise and activity. mother in law & sister in law are hyping each other up and frankly both behaving in ways which make it more difficult for any difficult children to cope. Mixed messages, contradictions, repetitions - difficult child 3 has been in need of escape. mother in law's house has a veranda where she has an old computer of ours. difficult child 3 is the main user of this computer, he's been using it as an escape from the bustle and noise.</p><p></p><p>Something we've tried to do for difficult child 3 - when going to someone's place where it's likely to be noisy or difficult, we find somewhere on arrival for difficult child 3 to escape to if he needs to. A bed to lie down on if he's tired, maybe (although he's never tired, it was just a handy excuse) even if the escape place is our car. we have activities for him, a comic book maybe or a game, which we have used to give him some positive "time out" or respite from the overstimulation which is a problem in a party environment. Any adult relative/friend who gives us a hard time over it, we just say, "If this was a baby who needed somewhere quiet to sleep, you wouldn't think twice. This is a child with problems, he needs the same consideration in this that you would give a baby."</p><p></p><p>difficult child 3 is good these days about taking himself to the car when he needs a break. We do try to park the car in places where it will be safe for him to sit in the car. In Australia, that means parking in the shade where possible. If the car is parked in the sun, it can be dangerous to stay there for more than a few minutes even with doors open and windows down. So just as we always find a rendezvous point for him when we first arrive at a large public place, we find a refuge place for him when we arrive at a family event. It usually requires a quiet word ahead of time with the host/hostess as to where the child can go to be alone if he feels he needs to be, then taking him there to show him the place and be told the conditions (such as a generic "don't touch anything" or "If you need to have a sleep, it's OK to turn down the sheets if you want.")</p><p></p><p>Sometimes just knowing there is the possibility of refuge, makes it easier for a difficult child to stick it out a bit longer.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 229171, member: 1991"] It does sound like you're doing what you can, Shari. Good luck with the family visit. We still have similar problems with difficult child 3 and this sort of thing. Crikey, just yesterday we had a mini-explosion between difficult child 1 and his new wife, which I think was at least partly due to the crowded family surrounding/suffocating him. Thankfully, they both sorted it out for themselves within minutes and it was difficult child 1 who went to his wife (shut herself in the bathroom) and apologised, comforted her, resolved it quietly between them and then both came to the dinner table happy with each other and the topic not discussed. difficult child 1 WAS where your wee difficult child is now. It takes time, a lot of patience and a lot of practice. At mother in law's (which is where we were yesterday) there is a lot of family, all making a lot of noise and activity. mother in law & sister in law are hyping each other up and frankly both behaving in ways which make it more difficult for any difficult children to cope. Mixed messages, contradictions, repetitions - difficult child 3 has been in need of escape. mother in law's house has a veranda where she has an old computer of ours. difficult child 3 is the main user of this computer, he's been using it as an escape from the bustle and noise. Something we've tried to do for difficult child 3 - when going to someone's place where it's likely to be noisy or difficult, we find somewhere on arrival for difficult child 3 to escape to if he needs to. A bed to lie down on if he's tired, maybe (although he's never tired, it was just a handy excuse) even if the escape place is our car. we have activities for him, a comic book maybe or a game, which we have used to give him some positive "time out" or respite from the overstimulation which is a problem in a party environment. Any adult relative/friend who gives us a hard time over it, we just say, "If this was a baby who needed somewhere quiet to sleep, you wouldn't think twice. This is a child with problems, he needs the same consideration in this that you would give a baby." difficult child 3 is good these days about taking himself to the car when he needs a break. We do try to park the car in places where it will be safe for him to sit in the car. In Australia, that means parking in the shade where possible. If the car is parked in the sun, it can be dangerous to stay there for more than a few minutes even with doors open and windows down. So just as we always find a rendezvous point for him when we first arrive at a large public place, we find a refuge place for him when we arrive at a family event. It usually requires a quiet word ahead of time with the host/hostess as to where the child can go to be alone if he feels he needs to be, then taking him there to show him the place and be told the conditions (such as a generic "don't touch anything" or "If you need to have a sleep, it's OK to turn down the sheets if you want.") Sometimes just knowing there is the possibility of refuge, makes it easier for a difficult child to stick it out a bit longer. Marg [/QUOTE]
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