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Substance Abuse
Difficult phone conversation with difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641387" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Ah, Nannai. I'm a grandma too. I so feel for you. It is so much harder when our grandkids are involved. Reading your angst brought tears to my eyes.</p><p></p><p>I understand why you stay in contact with SS. I would do it too. It would make me very sad, but I'd tell them the truth about my own daughter too in order to save my GS. I am puzzled and sad that they will not give custody to you rather than keep giving her multiple second chances, especially with his autism. Since I've adopted and done foster care, I "get" their thinking...the biological parent gets all the rights and all the second chances and the children are not the first priority (at least in the U.S. and our broken system here. Don't know if it's the same in the UK). You are truly doing the best you can to keep your grandson safe. Although it is true that you can't control social services (and I feel social services is rather nuts, at least in Yanksville), you tried your hardest for this little guy whom you clearly adore and would do so much better in your arms and custody. I don't understand Social Services, but after spending three years trying to help children by fostering children, we quit. They did not make decisions based on the children's needs. They did things that were unexplainable. The kids told us stories that broke our hearts. We couldn't do it anymore. I am so sorry that you have to deal with them, but I do think you are doing your very, very, very best. I can not even suggest that you go on with your life and ignore your grandson, because as good as I've gotten at detaching from adult children who create chaos, I could not do it myself...just walk away from a grandchild.</p><p></p><p>It is a shame that there is no way that you, the grandma, can not receive custody, but I know how hard it is to get SS, at least here, to terminate parental rights. We adopted a little boy at age two. He had cocaine in his system and syphillis and his birthmother had gone to the hospital to give birth, then walked out right afterwards. She had already given up four children without trying to regain custody or quit drugs. She never appeared at the hearings for our son. Yet it took our social worker the judge FOUR AND A HALF YEARS to terminate her parental rights. Social Services at it's best. Arrrrgh!</p><p></p><p>I feel so badly for you right now and your little man. Your daughter, no. You do have to stay healthy and strong and clearheaded. If you don't like to fight non-stop with daughter, it is easier just to let them talk their lies and go, "Yep." "Uh-huh" "I see" "ok." And it is in your grandson's best interests, as well as your own, for you to eat well, rest, have fun times so your body can relax and your mind can clear, and to exercise the stress off. It is in his best interests that you get help for yourself to learn how to best cope so that you don't get ill. Taking care of yourself is taking care of him too. As for the rest of your family...I would not give their thoughts much weight. Maybe it's best to keep your distance right now. You don't need, as we call it in the U.S., back seat drivers. They have no idea what you are REALLY going through and this is between you, your daughter, and your grandson, not them. What are they thinking? If your daughter goes out driving while drunk, she could not only kill herself or her grandson, but kill some poor stranger. You did the same thing I would have done. I don't know if that comforts you or not...lol.</p><p></p><p>I wish I could help more. Keep venting here. We are always on call, 24/7, and that includes Christmas! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641387, member: 1550"] Ah, Nannai. I'm a grandma too. I so feel for you. It is so much harder when our grandkids are involved. Reading your angst brought tears to my eyes. I understand why you stay in contact with SS. I would do it too. It would make me very sad, but I'd tell them the truth about my own daughter too in order to save my GS. I am puzzled and sad that they will not give custody to you rather than keep giving her multiple second chances, especially with his autism. Since I've adopted and done foster care, I "get" their thinking...the biological parent gets all the rights and all the second chances and the children are not the first priority (at least in the U.S. and our broken system here. Don't know if it's the same in the UK). You are truly doing the best you can to keep your grandson safe. Although it is true that you can't control social services (and I feel social services is rather nuts, at least in Yanksville), you tried your hardest for this little guy whom you clearly adore and would do so much better in your arms and custody. I don't understand Social Services, but after spending three years trying to help children by fostering children, we quit. They did not make decisions based on the children's needs. They did things that were unexplainable. The kids told us stories that broke our hearts. We couldn't do it anymore. I am so sorry that you have to deal with them, but I do think you are doing your very, very, very best. I can not even suggest that you go on with your life and ignore your grandson, because as good as I've gotten at detaching from adult children who create chaos, I could not do it myself...just walk away from a grandchild. It is a shame that there is no way that you, the grandma, can not receive custody, but I know how hard it is to get SS, at least here, to terminate parental rights. We adopted a little boy at age two. He had cocaine in his system and syphillis and his birthmother had gone to the hospital to give birth, then walked out right afterwards. She had already given up four children without trying to regain custody or quit drugs. She never appeared at the hearings for our son. Yet it took our social worker the judge FOUR AND A HALF YEARS to terminate her parental rights. Social Services at it's best. Arrrrgh! I feel so badly for you right now and your little man. Your daughter, no. You do have to stay healthy and strong and clearheaded. If you don't like to fight non-stop with daughter, it is easier just to let them talk their lies and go, "Yep." "Uh-huh" "I see" "ok." And it is in your grandson's best interests, as well as your own, for you to eat well, rest, have fun times so your body can relax and your mind can clear, and to exercise the stress off. It is in his best interests that you get help for yourself to learn how to best cope so that you don't get ill. Taking care of yourself is taking care of him too. As for the rest of your family...I would not give their thoughts much weight. Maybe it's best to keep your distance right now. You don't need, as we call it in the U.S., back seat drivers. They have no idea what you are REALLY going through and this is between you, your daughter, and your grandson, not them. What are they thinking? If your daughter goes out driving while drunk, she could not only kill herself or her grandson, but kill some poor stranger. You did the same thing I would have done. I don't know if that comforts you or not...lol. I wish I could help more. Keep venting here. We are always on call, 24/7, and that includes Christmas! ;) [/QUOTE]
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