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Dilemma re ex-husband
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 564470" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Katya, nice to meet you...............I'm sorry about your health issues, it does sound as if the avoidance of stress would be a positive considering your cancer..........I agree with what others have already told you, sometimes when it's our life, it really is difficult to see the forest for the trees. However, what DDD said makes a lot of sense to me, you're in a weakened, vulnerable state due to the cancer, and your usual defenses aren't erected as securely, so some of the old behavior of not setting stringent boundaries has returned..................it all makes a lot of sense................however, it sounds to me that you really do know what the next step is, you are simply seeking acknowledgement, which also makes sense.............well seems as if you got it...........ask yourself what it is you really want and then act from that place of integrity, even if at the moment, being alone feels scary, going against our own truth is a soul killer..........tell your truth to your ex, set strong boundaries, your boundaries, your truth, not his...........Perhaps he might be able to comply with life on your terms, perhaps not, but what matters is that you stay true to yourself. You also model that to your children because I do believe that living a lie is worse. Having the kids sleep on the floor and having a non traditional dinner sounds terrific. This all sounds like boundary issues and what Pasajes said is a good idea, get as much support as you can, here, support groups for your health, for your emotional state.....it will give you strength and help you cope........a therapist or counselor or group of any kind would be helpful as well. I am a big believer in getting support, lots of support. And, you're going through a very difficult period all around, you could use a few shoulders. And the more shoulders you have the less likely you will fall into any old traps. Seems as if you're at a critical choice point right now and it also seems as if you know exactly what the right path is............just needed a bit of a nudge perhaps? You go girl, stand strong in your own desires and speak your own truth................(((HUGS)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 564470, member: 13542"] Katya, nice to meet you...............I'm sorry about your health issues, it does sound as if the avoidance of stress would be a positive considering your cancer..........I agree with what others have already told you, sometimes when it's our life, it really is difficult to see the forest for the trees. However, what DDD said makes a lot of sense to me, you're in a weakened, vulnerable state due to the cancer, and your usual defenses aren't erected as securely, so some of the old behavior of not setting stringent boundaries has returned..................it all makes a lot of sense................however, it sounds to me that you really do know what the next step is, you are simply seeking acknowledgement, which also makes sense.............well seems as if you got it...........ask yourself what it is you really want and then act from that place of integrity, even if at the moment, being alone feels scary, going against our own truth is a soul killer..........tell your truth to your ex, set strong boundaries, your boundaries, your truth, not his...........Perhaps he might be able to comply with life on your terms, perhaps not, but what matters is that you stay true to yourself. You also model that to your children because I do believe that living a lie is worse. Having the kids sleep on the floor and having a non traditional dinner sounds terrific. This all sounds like boundary issues and what Pasajes said is a good idea, get as much support as you can, here, support groups for your health, for your emotional state.....it will give you strength and help you cope........a therapist or counselor or group of any kind would be helpful as well. I am a big believer in getting support, lots of support. And, you're going through a very difficult period all around, you could use a few shoulders. And the more shoulders you have the less likely you will fall into any old traps. Seems as if you're at a critical choice point right now and it also seems as if you know exactly what the right path is............just needed a bit of a nudge perhaps? You go girl, stand strong in your own desires and speak your own truth................(((HUGS))))) [/QUOTE]
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