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Dilemma re ex-husband
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 564765" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>How on earth COULD you know how to set boundaries in relationships? To respect yourself or demand respect from those you are in relationships with?????</p><p></p><p>Of course you don't know how to do this! It isn't something that you will learn overnight or by magic. you learn it by living, by thinking, by working through the problems with therapy and it takes TIME.</p><p></p><p>The first relationship after an abusive marriage ends is ALWAYS going to be not the most healthy. You simply don't know how to be healthy as an individual and until you can do that you can't be in a healthy relationship. So cut yourself some slack. You WILL learn this stuff in time. You got out of the first post-divorce relationship with-o tolerating abuse for years. that alone is something. Yes, it came because you faced a health crisis, but you still conducted yourself with dignity and respect for yourself. You recognize what a jerk the guy is, and now you can let that go.</p><p></p><p>Yes, you DID squash your dreams for a long time while you raised kids. GUess what??? As long as you don't stop treating your cancer and you pay attention to your health, you will most likely live at least another three decades, maybe more. That gives you LOTS of time to make those dreams come true. </p><p></p><p>Even better, you now have a lot of wisdom and life experience that you did not have when you first had those dreams. You can look for ways that will make a real difference and that will give you a sense of purpose and keep your brain active, which will only extend your useful years. </p><p></p><p>You are doing great. Honest. You cannot see it right now, but all these questions, the dread over the pressure your ex is bringing regarding remarrying him? These are GOOD things. You are not burying these things, you are thinking and acting on them and asking for help. That is precisely what you should be doing now. You got a wake up call that made you remember your dreams and gave you some drive to go and figure out how to live them. that is AWESOME!!!</p><p></p><p>I hope you can learn to get rid of the guilt, the 'coulda woulda shoulda' thoughts. None of them will help you - NONE. Be proud that you are taking the steps, asking the questions, looking for the help you need. It is AWESOME and wonderful, and I have faith in you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 564765, member: 1233"] How on earth COULD you know how to set boundaries in relationships? To respect yourself or demand respect from those you are in relationships with????? Of course you don't know how to do this! It isn't something that you will learn overnight or by magic. you learn it by living, by thinking, by working through the problems with therapy and it takes TIME. The first relationship after an abusive marriage ends is ALWAYS going to be not the most healthy. You simply don't know how to be healthy as an individual and until you can do that you can't be in a healthy relationship. So cut yourself some slack. You WILL learn this stuff in time. You got out of the first post-divorce relationship with-o tolerating abuse for years. that alone is something. Yes, it came because you faced a health crisis, but you still conducted yourself with dignity and respect for yourself. You recognize what a jerk the guy is, and now you can let that go. Yes, you DID squash your dreams for a long time while you raised kids. GUess what??? As long as you don't stop treating your cancer and you pay attention to your health, you will most likely live at least another three decades, maybe more. That gives you LOTS of time to make those dreams come true. Even better, you now have a lot of wisdom and life experience that you did not have when you first had those dreams. You can look for ways that will make a real difference and that will give you a sense of purpose and keep your brain active, which will only extend your useful years. You are doing great. Honest. You cannot see it right now, but all these questions, the dread over the pressure your ex is bringing regarding remarrying him? These are GOOD things. You are not burying these things, you are thinking and acting on them and asking for help. That is precisely what you should be doing now. You got a wake up call that made you remember your dreams and gave you some drive to go and figure out how to live them. that is AWESOME!!! I hope you can learn to get rid of the guilt, the 'coulda woulda shoulda' thoughts. None of them will help you - NONE. Be proud that you are taking the steps, asking the questions, looking for the help you need. It is AWESOME and wonderful, and I have faith in you. [/QUOTE]
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Dilemma re ex-husband
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