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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 324441" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>I'm sorry you're in this situation. I think the article on ODD and CD that Smallworld recommended is excellent, and I would recommend it too. At 13, your daughter does know right from wrong. Also, stealing is not part of the symptomatology of ADHD. The amount of money your daughter steals is worrisome. Quarters may be just because she can do it; two hundred dollars is for something. May I suggest taking her room apart when she's not there, down to the light fixtures, to see what she has stashed? I'm sorry to say that drugs are a good possibility; if not, there may be items she has bought with the stolen money. Even if she has no drugs or paraphernalia in her room I would watch her like a hawk and check up on her friends and activities. I'm sorry to raise such a worrying topic, but so many kids get into drugs by twelve years of age.</p><p></p><p>It seems clear that talking is no longer in order; you've talked and explained until she's heard it all. These aren't mistakes she's making, they are choices. You also have choices. You can, and should, protect the items you can't afford to have stolen. You can also impose sufficiently severe consequences that she will think twice in future. You could consult with a counselor on this and make a plan, write it up, and refer to it to keep your resolve. In my opinion, you don't have to inform her in advance of exactly what the consequences will be for stealing. She knows it's wrong. I spent years trying to be meticulously 'fair' to my difficult child and not imposing consequences if we hadn't discussed everything in detail in advance, and that was a mistake. </p><p></p><p>If you can set clear boundaries and consequences now, you may be able to get control of this behavior. I'm sorry ... best wishes and warm thoughts.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 324441, member: 2884"] I'm sorry you're in this situation. I think the article on ODD and CD that Smallworld recommended is excellent, and I would recommend it too. At 13, your daughter does know right from wrong. Also, stealing is not part of the symptomatology of ADHD. The amount of money your daughter steals is worrisome. Quarters may be just because she can do it; two hundred dollars is for something. May I suggest taking her room apart when she's not there, down to the light fixtures, to see what she has stashed? I'm sorry to say that drugs are a good possibility; if not, there may be items she has bought with the stolen money. Even if she has no drugs or paraphernalia in her room I would watch her like a hawk and check up on her friends and activities. I'm sorry to raise such a worrying topic, but so many kids get into drugs by twelve years of age. It seems clear that talking is no longer in order; you've talked and explained until she's heard it all. These aren't mistakes she's making, they are choices. You also have choices. You can, and should, protect the items you can't afford to have stolen. You can also impose sufficiently severe consequences that she will think twice in future. You could consult with a counselor on this and make a plan, write it up, and refer to it to keep your resolve. In my opinion, you don't have to inform her in advance of exactly what the consequences will be for stealing. She knows it's wrong. I spent years trying to be meticulously 'fair' to my difficult child and not imposing consequences if we hadn't discussed everything in detail in advance, and that was a mistake. If you can set clear boundaries and consequences now, you may be able to get control of this behavior. I'm sorry ... best wishes and warm thoughts. [/QUOTE]
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