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Disciplining my son
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 94685" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi, </p><p></p><p>I only have my sons and mine experience to draw on here. My son is now 17 but was diagnosis at an early age with low impulse control. I got out books and read, and tried things in the books that told me they would work if I ONLY did this or this. </p><p></p><p>The worst thing I ever did was to feel pity for my son. I felt sorry for the outcome of his situation. You can feel sorry for the outcome of a child's situation but if you continue to make excuses for him by saying "He can't help it" or "It's out of his hands" you are not going to survive and you aren't going to do him any favors either. </p><p></p><p>I realize there are children so profoundly disabled that they can't control themselves. I made the mistake of lumping my son into that category. I allowed him to use his disability to walk on me, berate me, tear down my household, all in the name of "but he can't help it - he has ODD". </p><p></p><p>That is a VERY defeatist attitude to have if you intend on helping or living with a difficult child. Get educated. Take parenting classes with groups in your area similar to your kids situation, talk weekly with a good psychologist about strategies to improve living situations at your home and involve the ENTIRE family. Not just the kid with the "problem". Everyone living in a house with a difficult child is involved. Like it or not. </p><p></p><p>Continually learn and evolve - it's what your difficult child is doing. As he grows he's mapping his brain into what he will become. If there is a part of that map that is skewed - THIS is where the part of "He can't help it" comes in. So if HE can't help it - THEN YOU AS THE PARENT must. </p><p></p><p>My son is now 17 and he's still trying to change. I think he wants to more than most kids I've met with emotional disabilites - or so he says. My argument back to him is "Well you have choices - every minute of every day it's up to you to make the best ones for yourself." </p><p></p><p>And remember - none of our kids are really alike so what works for my family may not work for yours. But if nothing is working then I highly suggest getting into a good family therapist to learn how to even the game. difficult child's are smart,and tireless. You as a parent need to become smarter and find ways to recoup. </p><p></p><p>Hope this helps</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 94685, member: 4964"] Hi, I only have my sons and mine experience to draw on here. My son is now 17 but was diagnosis at an early age with low impulse control. I got out books and read, and tried things in the books that told me they would work if I ONLY did this or this. The worst thing I ever did was to feel pity for my son. I felt sorry for the outcome of his situation. You can feel sorry for the outcome of a child's situation but if you continue to make excuses for him by saying "He can't help it" or "It's out of his hands" you are not going to survive and you aren't going to do him any favors either. I realize there are children so profoundly disabled that they can't control themselves. I made the mistake of lumping my son into that category. I allowed him to use his disability to walk on me, berate me, tear down my household, all in the name of "but he can't help it - he has ODD". That is a VERY defeatist attitude to have if you intend on helping or living with a difficult child. Get educated. Take parenting classes with groups in your area similar to your kids situation, talk weekly with a good psychologist about strategies to improve living situations at your home and involve the ENTIRE family. Not just the kid with the "problem". Everyone living in a house with a difficult child is involved. Like it or not. Continually learn and evolve - it's what your difficult child is doing. As he grows he's mapping his brain into what he will become. If there is a part of that map that is skewed - THIS is where the part of "He can't help it" comes in. So if HE can't help it - THEN YOU AS THE PARENT must. My son is now 17 and he's still trying to change. I think he wants to more than most kids I've met with emotional disabilites - or so he says. My argument back to him is "Well you have choices - every minute of every day it's up to you to make the best ones for yourself." And remember - none of our kids are really alike so what works for my family may not work for yours. But if nothing is working then I highly suggest getting into a good family therapist to learn how to even the game. difficult child's are smart,and tireless. You as a parent need to become smarter and find ways to recoup. Hope this helps Star [/QUOTE]
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