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Discussion about funeral arrangement with family
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 123014" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>My husband family is (was) quite different from my family and good thing he was an only child as were both his parents- or at least thats what he had been told all his life. (since his parents deaths we HAVE found relatives) </p><p>My family can be quite rude and loud and off again on again. BUT when it comes time for final arrangements, we mix practical with sentimental. Even when there are estrangements, those feuds somehow thru some long standing code of conduct sorta slide away for the wake and funeral, and everyone simply gives each other space. </p><p>We have had deaths where there were no funds to have an obit in the paper and no funds for anything more than a very simple cremation with no service. We have had long drawn out affairs doubled in another state for family who could not come to the first state...with very elaborate arrangements. </p><p></p><p>My husband has said - no wake, no funeral, no nothing, ake me out with the garbage. Yeah, that sounds "practical" but, I have been able to help him come to see that our children most likely might need "more" I have said "please, do not incur debt that will drag anyone down for their future" </p><p>I have also said "please do not fight, please realize you all might need something different, try to accomodate each other" </p><p></p><p>Within reason in my family we try to honor the recently deceased wishes.....but we also realize the deceased is gone. We do need to keep in mind the people left behind as well. </p><p>Personally I myself would NEVER leave out any family member, even if estranged. Sometimes estranged family members will grieve even harder than others becuz now the hope of ever haveing a reconciliation is gone forever. And being excluded could close reconciliation doors to others who may in the future want to have a reconciliation. </p><p>Ah yes, I have arranged and been in charge of more arrangements than I ever could have thought possible.......way way way too many.......</p><p>And seems to me some people take a death and it can be a catalyst for healing even beyond the realtionship between them and the recently deceased. People CAN change, feelings can change, circumstances can change and I am not big on doing things that cannot be undone if I do not like how they turned out the first time. </p><p>Actually my first husband died when I was 25 and he was 30. He had been 100% estranged from his family since he was 16. Noone attended his memorial service except me and my now husband. 20 years later his mother passed, and his siblings requested my first husband remains, so they could bury them with his mother.......20 years and healing finally happened. 20 years later and his siblings FINALLY had a funeral for their brother.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 123014, member: 1697"] My husband family is (was) quite different from my family and good thing he was an only child as were both his parents- or at least thats what he had been told all his life. (since his parents deaths we HAVE found relatives) My family can be quite rude and loud and off again on again. BUT when it comes time for final arrangements, we mix practical with sentimental. Even when there are estrangements, those feuds somehow thru some long standing code of conduct sorta slide away for the wake and funeral, and everyone simply gives each other space. We have had deaths where there were no funds to have an obit in the paper and no funds for anything more than a very simple cremation with no service. We have had long drawn out affairs doubled in another state for family who could not come to the first state...with very elaborate arrangements. My husband has said - no wake, no funeral, no nothing, ake me out with the garbage. Yeah, that sounds "practical" but, I have been able to help him come to see that our children most likely might need "more" I have said "please, do not incur debt that will drag anyone down for their future" I have also said "please do not fight, please realize you all might need something different, try to accomodate each other" Within reason in my family we try to honor the recently deceased wishes.....but we also realize the deceased is gone. We do need to keep in mind the people left behind as well. Personally I myself would NEVER leave out any family member, even if estranged. Sometimes estranged family members will grieve even harder than others becuz now the hope of ever haveing a reconciliation is gone forever. And being excluded could close reconciliation doors to others who may in the future want to have a reconciliation. Ah yes, I have arranged and been in charge of more arrangements than I ever could have thought possible.......way way way too many....... And seems to me some people take a death and it can be a catalyst for healing even beyond the realtionship between them and the recently deceased. People CAN change, feelings can change, circumstances can change and I am not big on doing things that cannot be undone if I do not like how they turned out the first time. Actually my first husband died when I was 25 and he was 30. He had been 100% estranged from his family since he was 16. Noone attended his memorial service except me and my now husband. 20 years later his mother passed, and his siblings requested my first husband remains, so they could bury them with his mother.......20 years and healing finally happened. 20 years later and his siblings FINALLY had a funeral for their brother. [/QUOTE]
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