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Discussion about funeral arrangement with family
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 123019" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Funerals should be a celebration of life - not a family throwdown. </p><p></p><p>My Father didn't want ANY fan fare. We honored his wishes because well lets face it - it was his life, his body and his party. (so to speak) And none of us wanted to think for the rest of OUR lives that we did things OUR way instead of the way Dad wanted them. </p><p></p><p>So we had him creamated</p><p>We didn't have a graveside service - we had a life celebration at the funeral home for my Mother's sake. My father's family didn't even show up and my Moms family (per fathers orders) were not informed. </p><p></p><p>As far as the obituary- It said his name, in lieu of flowers make donations to the American Lung Association, and that he will be missed by his wife, daughters, and grandchildren. We all think the name thing is - unnecessary. If you KNEW the person in life - you knew his family - either you did or you didn't. It only gives others the opportunity to send cards, and he didn't want those either - neither did my Mom - she said that meant that by the time she was able to deal with his passing - she would be reminded to send out cards as a thank you when she really didn't feel like thanking anyone for anything. Wording the obit. in the paper like such kept it to Dads wishes - and was simple and cheaper. </p><p></p><p>So at the funeral home instead of a casket and flowers, and plants that no one wants to take care of - there was a magnetic picture board with my dads picture, and life pictures, our pictures with our dad, mom's wedding pictures - and stuff like that - again we caution celebration of LIFE - </p><p></p><p>Someone bought a HUGE basket of flowers. I mean HUGE like 5 1/2 feet high - and they were beautiful. No one jumped up and yelled - YOU should have sent the money to the lung association. Instead my sister and I walked our mother over to the person that sent them and thanked her for her gesture and then asked if we could share the beauty with a local nursing home. they would be delivered in a limousine by the funeral home. We said it would be sharing something beautiful with the living and IN her name. She loved the idea. We explained there was a cremation and no burial. That eliminated the need for a thank you card or for mom to remember. </p><p></p><p>At the funeral a minister said some great things about my wonderful Dad. We just asked that the part be left out about Death where is thy sting. And he didn't. Said it just like it was part of a rehearsed eulogy. But other than the sting - it went well. After the eulogy - I stood up and said (ladies name) provided sandwhiches and cold salad - and everyone was invited. </p><p></p><p>The funeral home drove us to my Moms. Only a few people showed up, but that was okay. Most were friends of my Dads and their wives. We spent the rest of the day crying, laughing and remembering. Mostly trying to console my Mom who after 65 years would be alone for the first time in her life. For her we were the most sad. She lost her life mate, her soul mate, her helper, her lover. You don't find many men like him any more. </p><p></p><p>My best advice would be to get through this however you can and respect your dads wishes. If the name thing is a bone of contention with you - perhaps my suggestion of will be missed by: can help and heal all concerned. </p><p></p><p>Hugs - </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 123019, member: 4964"] Funerals should be a celebration of life - not a family throwdown. My Father didn't want ANY fan fare. We honored his wishes because well lets face it - it was his life, his body and his party. (so to speak) And none of us wanted to think for the rest of OUR lives that we did things OUR way instead of the way Dad wanted them. So we had him creamated We didn't have a graveside service - we had a life celebration at the funeral home for my Mother's sake. My father's family didn't even show up and my Moms family (per fathers orders) were not informed. As far as the obituary- It said his name, in lieu of flowers make donations to the American Lung Association, and that he will be missed by his wife, daughters, and grandchildren. We all think the name thing is - unnecessary. If you KNEW the person in life - you knew his family - either you did or you didn't. It only gives others the opportunity to send cards, and he didn't want those either - neither did my Mom - she said that meant that by the time she was able to deal with his passing - she would be reminded to send out cards as a thank you when she really didn't feel like thanking anyone for anything. Wording the obit. in the paper like such kept it to Dads wishes - and was simple and cheaper. So at the funeral home instead of a casket and flowers, and plants that no one wants to take care of - there was a magnetic picture board with my dads picture, and life pictures, our pictures with our dad, mom's wedding pictures - and stuff like that - again we caution celebration of LIFE - Someone bought a HUGE basket of flowers. I mean HUGE like 5 1/2 feet high - and they were beautiful. No one jumped up and yelled - YOU should have sent the money to the lung association. Instead my sister and I walked our mother over to the person that sent them and thanked her for her gesture and then asked if we could share the beauty with a local nursing home. they would be delivered in a limousine by the funeral home. We said it would be sharing something beautiful with the living and IN her name. She loved the idea. We explained there was a cremation and no burial. That eliminated the need for a thank you card or for mom to remember. At the funeral a minister said some great things about my wonderful Dad. We just asked that the part be left out about Death where is thy sting. And he didn't. Said it just like it was part of a rehearsed eulogy. But other than the sting - it went well. After the eulogy - I stood up and said (ladies name) provided sandwhiches and cold salad - and everyone was invited. The funeral home drove us to my Moms. Only a few people showed up, but that was okay. Most were friends of my Dads and their wives. We spent the rest of the day crying, laughing and remembering. Mostly trying to console my Mom who after 65 years would be alone for the first time in her life. For her we were the most sad. She lost her life mate, her soul mate, her helper, her lover. You don't find many men like him any more. My best advice would be to get through this however you can and respect your dads wishes. If the name thing is a bone of contention with you - perhaps my suggestion of will be missed by: can help and heal all concerned. Hugs - Star [/QUOTE]
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