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disgusted with my difficult child 2...
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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 363469" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I am so sorry! I decided long ago not to walk on eggshells around my kids. In doing so, I was only allowing them to build a life of pampering that they THOUGHT they wanted. So, it makes for ugly moments but I tried to do what was right even though it made them angry and upset. They soon learned that Mom would discipline when she thought it was necessary and stand up for herself when they tried to be manipulative even if they didn't like it.</p><p> </p><p>Check out the book "The Manipulative Child". The information in it in my opinion is awesome. It helped me to learn to focus on issues and not emotions. Keep the focus on the situation at hand and not how your child feels/reacts about it. An example was when I used it on Diva to get her to do the dishes. She wanted something and I told her not until she did the dishes. She would try to convince me that she needed that something because, and I would bring the subject back to, "Not until you do the dishes". I stayed focused on that one statement, "Not until you do the dishes" and ignored every thing under the sun that she tried to pull to get out of doing them. Things got a bit ugly but it didn't end until she did the dishes. </p><p> </p><p>Our kids use their emotions to pull on ours. They are very successful at it to the point that many times we as parents just give in. I also believe that diagnosis can cause it to be more difficult for some kids to maintain control but I also believe with you that we have to give the kid tools to help with that control and giving in to them is taking away tools. If we can work hard to keep those emotions at bay and get the child to focus on what the true issue is it will be easier to help them grow.</p><p> </p><p>When your child starts tantrumming, focus on helping her help herself calm down. Do not try to solve the issue at hand as a way to calm her down. For example, if she wanted ice cream and was throwing a fit because she couldn't get chocolate, do not say, "We can go to the next store to see if they have chocolate." Your focus during a tantrum is not the issue of her not getting what she wants but the time for her to stop everything and calm down. So, if you were trying to get her to do something, you can either ignore the behavior with, "Not until you do this" or you can put everything aside until she calms down and then revisit what she is suppose to do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 363469, member: 5096"] I am so sorry! I decided long ago not to walk on eggshells around my kids. In doing so, I was only allowing them to build a life of pampering that they THOUGHT they wanted. So, it makes for ugly moments but I tried to do what was right even though it made them angry and upset. They soon learned that Mom would discipline when she thought it was necessary and stand up for herself when they tried to be manipulative even if they didn't like it. Check out the book "The Manipulative Child". The information in it in my opinion is awesome. It helped me to learn to focus on issues and not emotions. Keep the focus on the situation at hand and not how your child feels/reacts about it. An example was when I used it on Diva to get her to do the dishes. She wanted something and I told her not until she did the dishes. She would try to convince me that she needed that something because, and I would bring the subject back to, "Not until you do the dishes". I stayed focused on that one statement, "Not until you do the dishes" and ignored every thing under the sun that she tried to pull to get out of doing them. Things got a bit ugly but it didn't end until she did the dishes. Our kids use their emotions to pull on ours. They are very successful at it to the point that many times we as parents just give in. I also believe that diagnosis can cause it to be more difficult for some kids to maintain control but I also believe with you that we have to give the kid tools to help with that control and giving in to them is taking away tools. If we can work hard to keep those emotions at bay and get the child to focus on what the true issue is it will be easier to help them grow. When your child starts tantrumming, focus on helping her help herself calm down. Do not try to solve the issue at hand as a way to calm her down. For example, if she wanted ice cream and was throwing a fit because she couldn't get chocolate, do not say, "We can go to the next store to see if they have chocolate." Your focus during a tantrum is not the issue of her not getting what she wants but the time for her to stop everything and calm down. So, if you were trying to get her to do something, you can either ignore the behavior with, "Not until you do this" or you can put everything aside until she calms down and then revisit what she is suppose to do. [/QUOTE]
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