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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 32017" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>Jane, she's right! Nothing she does will <em>EVER</em> please him, it will <em>NEVER</em> be "good enough", no matter how hard she tries! That's the whole idea. The harder she tries to achieve "perfection" in one thing, he'll come up with something else! Keep her jumping for that unattainable "carrot", and belittle her and make her feel like a failure when she can't reach it! She will NEVER EVER win his approval, because he enjoys seeing her scrabble for it so much! They keep them beaten down, blaming themselves, doubting themselves, feeling unworthy and ashamed ... because if she ever got her self-esteem and self-respect back, if she could clearly see things the way they really are, she'd see him for the total loser he is and, as Dr. Phil says, "Kick his b*typical teen to the curb"!</p><p></p><p>I have a young niece who is in this same stage now. This is a <em>gorgeous</em> girl, very bright, well brought up. Hooked up with a boyfriend who is just below pond slime on the evolutionary scale! Only in her case, after leaving him and going back a dozen times, she actually <em>married</em> the fool and now she has a small baby! He's an absolute jerk! Works only if and when he feels like it, spends all his free time partying like a teenager, leaves her and the baby at home for days at a time with no phone, no car, and very little food in the house. And she is still <em>constantly</em> trying to please him, caters to his every whim, while he (dispicable <strong>toad</strong> that he is!) belittles her and constantly runs her down! He demands perfection from her while he, himself, is totally irresponsible, cruel, abusive, selfish, and a poor excuse for a husband and father! Somehow this makes sense to both of them! She has taken the baby countless times and gone back home to her parents house, but she always goes back! She's back with her parents again now, and we're all hoping that her concern for the baby will keep her there, and that she will finally see him for what he is! Maybe this will be the time that she's finally gotten fed up and ditches him! But I wouldn't bet on it!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 32017, member: 1883"] Jane, she's right! Nothing she does will [i]EVER[/i] please him, it will [i]NEVER[/i] be "good enough", no matter how hard she tries! That's the whole idea. The harder she tries to achieve "perfection" in one thing, he'll come up with something else! Keep her jumping for that unattainable "carrot", and belittle her and make her feel like a failure when she can't reach it! She will NEVER EVER win his approval, because he enjoys seeing her scrabble for it so much! They keep them beaten down, blaming themselves, doubting themselves, feeling unworthy and ashamed ... because if she ever got her self-esteem and self-respect back, if she could clearly see things the way they really are, she'd see him for the total loser he is and, as Dr. Phil says, "Kick his b*typical teen to the curb"! I have a young niece who is in this same stage now. This is a [i]gorgeous[/i] girl, very bright, well brought up. Hooked up with a boyfriend who is just below pond slime on the evolutionary scale! Only in her case, after leaving him and going back a dozen times, she actually [i]married[/i] the fool and now she has a small baby! He's an absolute jerk! Works only if and when he feels like it, spends all his free time partying like a teenager, leaves her and the baby at home for days at a time with no phone, no car, and very little food in the house. And she is still [i]constantly[/i] trying to please him, caters to his every whim, while he (dispicable [b]toad[/b] that he is!) belittles her and constantly runs her down! He demands perfection from her while he, himself, is totally irresponsible, cruel, abusive, selfish, and a poor excuse for a husband and father! Somehow this makes sense to both of them! She has taken the baby countless times and gone back home to her parents house, but she always goes back! She's back with her parents again now, and we're all hoping that her concern for the baby will keep her there, and that she will finally see him for what he is! Maybe this will be the time that she's finally gotten fed up and ditches him! But I wouldn't bet on it! [/QUOTE]
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