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The Watercooler
Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 592370" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>I think it really depends on the parents' relationship. With my parents, they got divorced after 27 years, which was at least 15 years too late. They really intensely disliked each other for a very long time. Name calling - not even bad names, but things like "fat woman" or "dumb man," or the screaming matches that were almost daily, or the rare (but still too often) violence in terms of throwing stuff at each other ... I'm not sure that living in an "intact family" with 2 utterly miserable people whose sole intent is to make their partner more miserable than they personally are is better than divorced parents. In fact, I wouldn't call my family intact, even though the divorce didn't happen until I had been out of the house for several years. </p><p></p><p>The one thing I did learn from my parents is how *not* to fight. Cheap shots and intentionally hurting my husband are completely off bounds. </p><p></p><p>husband and I have divorced friends who do some of the crummiest stuff to each other in front of their kids or worse yet, use their kids as weapons against the ex. </p><p></p><p>I think it's always going to be a no-win situation when the adults involved ignore the effects of their own bad behavior on their kids, regardless of whether they stay together or split up.</p><p></p><p>And I'm not sure incidence of gfgness is really going to be more or less one way or the other, especially when the parents are behaving like difficult children.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 592370, member: 8"] I think it really depends on the parents' relationship. With my parents, they got divorced after 27 years, which was at least 15 years too late. They really intensely disliked each other for a very long time. Name calling - not even bad names, but things like "fat woman" or "dumb man," or the screaming matches that were almost daily, or the rare (but still too often) violence in terms of throwing stuff at each other ... I'm not sure that living in an "intact family" with 2 utterly miserable people whose sole intent is to make their partner more miserable than they personally are is better than divorced parents. In fact, I wouldn't call my family intact, even though the divorce didn't happen until I had been out of the house for several years. The one thing I did learn from my parents is how *not* to fight. Cheap shots and intentionally hurting my husband are completely off bounds. husband and I have divorced friends who do some of the crummiest stuff to each other in front of their kids or worse yet, use their kids as weapons against the ex. I think it's always going to be a no-win situation when the adults involved ignore the effects of their own bad behavior on their kids, regardless of whether they stay together or split up. And I'm not sure incidence of gfgness is really going to be more or less one way or the other, especially when the parents are behaving like difficult children. [/QUOTE]
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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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