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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 592392" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I wish I could say. I know kids from divorced homes who grew up to be happy, healthy, successful people. I know kids from married parents who did not, and I know of the opposite happening for both scenarios.</p><p></p><p>Mostly, I think the parents have to face that they are going to be in each other's lives for life if they have a child. they have to learn to fight fair and work together or the kids pay the price, regardless of their marital relationship. I think if the parents fight a lot, the kids pay. Period. </p><p></p><p>More stability is best, but having your parents stay married and hate each other isn't stability. At least not the kind that is healthy.</p><p></p><p>My mom totally nailed one thing: You NEVER let your kid hear you badmouth the other parent. NEVER. The child is half you, half the other parent. when you badmouth the other parent, the ONLY thing a child CAN understand is that they are half the bad, horrible, whatever vile thing you say the other parent is. And none of us want our kids to think that abut themselves. But that IS the message they get from what we say.</p><p></p><p>I was a teen when she told me not to ever sleep with someone I didn't think I could work with for twenty years, because that is the MINIMUM amount of time you have to work with the other parent of your child. I had more than a few guys stop dating me because I wouldnt sleep with them because I didn't think I could get along with them for that long with-o commiting violence on them. It sure made a few of them stop and think though. I knew VERY shortly after meeting husband that we could make it work if we decided to put the effort into it. So did he. My mom saw it the night he met him, maybe a week after I did. We are coming up to 22 yrs soon, so far so good. Of course ten days after we met, husband TOLD me we were going to get married. He knew before then that I don't believe in divorce. If you do one of the things on my short list, you deserve to die and i won't have a problem killing you. the rest? Can be worked through. Oddly, I think he was LOOKING for someone iwth that attitude. Who would have thought?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 592392, member: 1233"] I wish I could say. I know kids from divorced homes who grew up to be happy, healthy, successful people. I know kids from married parents who did not, and I know of the opposite happening for both scenarios. Mostly, I think the parents have to face that they are going to be in each other's lives for life if they have a child. they have to learn to fight fair and work together or the kids pay the price, regardless of their marital relationship. I think if the parents fight a lot, the kids pay. Period. More stability is best, but having your parents stay married and hate each other isn't stability. At least not the kind that is healthy. My mom totally nailed one thing: You NEVER let your kid hear you badmouth the other parent. NEVER. The child is half you, half the other parent. when you badmouth the other parent, the ONLY thing a child CAN understand is that they are half the bad, horrible, whatever vile thing you say the other parent is. And none of us want our kids to think that abut themselves. But that IS the message they get from what we say. I was a teen when she told me not to ever sleep with someone I didn't think I could work with for twenty years, because that is the MINIMUM amount of time you have to work with the other parent of your child. I had more than a few guys stop dating me because I wouldnt sleep with them because I didn't think I could get along with them for that long with-o commiting violence on them. It sure made a few of them stop and think though. I knew VERY shortly after meeting husband that we could make it work if we decided to put the effort into it. So did he. My mom saw it the night he met him, maybe a week after I did. We are coming up to 22 yrs soon, so far so good. Of course ten days after we met, husband TOLD me we were going to get married. He knew before then that I don't believe in divorce. If you do one of the things on my short list, you deserve to die and i won't have a problem killing you. the rest? Can be worked through. Oddly, I think he was LOOKING for someone iwth that attitude. Who would have thought? [/QUOTE]
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Divorce in 2013. Does an intact family help the children?
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