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Do difficult child's ever respect the hands that feed them?
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 585452" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>Like Step, I had a short answer to your title: "no", but I do agree with Lisa. difficult children can be taught, but you have to be rock-solid consistent in your expectations. AND, you can't let them see that their behaviour affects your mood.</p><p></p><p>difficult child acts like a jerk because it gets to you. He knows that the more unpleasant he is, the sooner you will break. You've got to decide that you won't break no matter how much of a jerk he is. Jerky behaviour should be met with a neutral smile, and heavy-duty natural consequences.</p><p></p><p>Examples:</p><p>If he can't get out of bed when he's supposed to, a spray bottle filled with ice water and aimed at his face (from the doorway, give yourself time to get away before he fully wakes up), or an air horn, or John Phillip Sousa music or whatever other teen-torture you can come up with works wonders. For my difficult child, I used to sing the worst Calypso songs I could think of at the top of my lungs while standing over his bed. Trust me, no one can sleep through it.</p><p></p><p>If he leaves his laundry in the washer, dump it out -- on top of the washer, in the middle of his bed, on the floor in a pile of dust -- wherever you think it'll have the most impact. </p><p></p><p>If he wants something special to eat that isn't something you buy on a regular basis, he can earn the money and get himself to the store to buy it. You can provide healthy, nutritious food that he finds unpalatable, but that you love. With my difficult child, I started cooking everything (including breakfast) with spicy chili sauce, which I love and he hates. You can even "ruin" a grilled cheese sandwich by adding onions and garlic -- delicious if you like such things, horrendous if you don't -- and BOY does it ever send a messsage.</p><p></p><p>In short, do the opposite of catering to his whims. Once he starts behaving better, DO NOT BREAK. He'll slip back into old habits quickly if you do. He has to earn back the privilege of being treated like something other than a roommate by toeing the line for enough time that you feel he can be trusted to keep up with the good behaviour.</p><p></p><p>As I said, it can be hard work, especially if you're not typically a hard-case. But it's effective.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 585452, member: 3907"] Like Step, I had a short answer to your title: "no", but I do agree with Lisa. difficult children can be taught, but you have to be rock-solid consistent in your expectations. AND, you can't let them see that their behaviour affects your mood. difficult child acts like a jerk because it gets to you. He knows that the more unpleasant he is, the sooner you will break. You've got to decide that you won't break no matter how much of a jerk he is. Jerky behaviour should be met with a neutral smile, and heavy-duty natural consequences. Examples: If he can't get out of bed when he's supposed to, a spray bottle filled with ice water and aimed at his face (from the doorway, give yourself time to get away before he fully wakes up), or an air horn, or John Phillip Sousa music or whatever other teen-torture you can come up with works wonders. For my difficult child, I used to sing the worst Calypso songs I could think of at the top of my lungs while standing over his bed. Trust me, no one can sleep through it. If he leaves his laundry in the washer, dump it out -- on top of the washer, in the middle of his bed, on the floor in a pile of dust -- wherever you think it'll have the most impact. If he wants something special to eat that isn't something you buy on a regular basis, he can earn the money and get himself to the store to buy it. You can provide healthy, nutritious food that he finds unpalatable, but that you love. With my difficult child, I started cooking everything (including breakfast) with spicy chili sauce, which I love and he hates. You can even "ruin" a grilled cheese sandwich by adding onions and garlic -- delicious if you like such things, horrendous if you don't -- and BOY does it ever send a messsage. In short, do the opposite of catering to his whims. Once he starts behaving better, DO NOT BREAK. He'll slip back into old habits quickly if you do. He has to earn back the privilege of being treated like something other than a roommate by toeing the line for enough time that you feel he can be trusted to keep up with the good behaviour. As I said, it can be hard work, especially if you're not typically a hard-case. But it's effective. [/QUOTE]
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