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General Parenting
Do I force my difficult child to grow up?
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 54923" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>Just my opinion, but the teacher needs a reality check. Between the fine motor and sensory issues, why on earth would he want your son in jeans?? Would it somehow be less stigmatizing if your son had to have a teacher help him fasten his pants? Holy cow... sorry, but this just really strikes me as some really wrong-headed thinking here. Yes, we want our kids to blend in and have friends, but... jeans vs. sweat pants is not the answer, in my humble opinion. I think I'd suggest some intensive IEP goals and Occupational Therapist (OT) to assist with this fine motor skill and the sensory issues. In the meantime, you could search for "cooler" pants with- elastic bands... I can't remember what they're called, but kind of surfer pants, wild prints and patterns... if your son is interested. </p><p></p><p>As far as his collections, I wouldn't touch them. It sounds as though they are treasures to him. Taking them away (just based on life with- my own kids) would probably seem cruel and arbitrary. Where's the harm?</p><p></p><p>It's a fine line - balancing so-called "age appropriate" dress and interests, and what is developmentally and emotionally appropriate. At 11, it's really such a wide range of what is appropriate because some kids are charging into puberty and others are just chilling in childhood. "Forcing" a kid to give up childhood pleasures isn't going to bring about more mature behavior - I'd really expect a regression in fact. And 11 really *is* young still, middle-school or not. You know your kid best. You know what he can tolerate, when he can be pushed with higher expectations and what is simply beyond his reach right now. </p><p></p><p>Again, whoever told you that you need to force him to grow up needs a serious reality check (at the very least). It simply cannot be done, in my humble opinion. Our kids have their own timelines for social and emotional development. We can nuture and encourage, try to keep them pointed in the right direction, but it will happen when *they're* ready, not when the adults around them are ready.</p><p></p><p>Just my opinion. :wink:</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 54923, member: 8"] Just my opinion, but the teacher needs a reality check. Between the fine motor and sensory issues, why on earth would he want your son in jeans?? Would it somehow be less stigmatizing if your son had to have a teacher help him fasten his pants? Holy cow... sorry, but this just really strikes me as some really wrong-headed thinking here. Yes, we want our kids to blend in and have friends, but... jeans vs. sweat pants is not the answer, in my humble opinion. I think I'd suggest some intensive IEP goals and Occupational Therapist (OT) to assist with this fine motor skill and the sensory issues. In the meantime, you could search for "cooler" pants with- elastic bands... I can't remember what they're called, but kind of surfer pants, wild prints and patterns... if your son is interested. As far as his collections, I wouldn't touch them. It sounds as though they are treasures to him. Taking them away (just based on life with- my own kids) would probably seem cruel and arbitrary. Where's the harm? It's a fine line - balancing so-called "age appropriate" dress and interests, and what is developmentally and emotionally appropriate. At 11, it's really such a wide range of what is appropriate because some kids are charging into puberty and others are just chilling in childhood. "Forcing" a kid to give up childhood pleasures isn't going to bring about more mature behavior - I'd really expect a regression in fact. And 11 really *is* young still, middle-school or not. You know your kid best. You know what he can tolerate, when he can be pushed with higher expectations and what is simply beyond his reach right now. Again, whoever told you that you need to force him to grow up needs a serious reality check (at the very least). It simply cannot be done, in my humble opinion. Our kids have their own timelines for social and emotional development. We can nuture and encourage, try to keep them pointed in the right direction, but it will happen when *they're* ready, not when the adults around them are ready. Just my opinion. [img]:wink:[/img] [/QUOTE]
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