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General Parenting
Do I force my difficult child to grow up?
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<blockquote data-quote="mattsmom27" data-source="post: 54929" data-attributes="member: 50"><p>My difficult child has no delays etc but he "marches to the beat of his own drummer". I have always believed he had/has sensory issues to some degree though. He also has essential tremors in his hands. Buttons are better now and zippers in jeans, but jackets are hard for him. He has a hard time tying shoes so he tucks them inside his shoe, untied. Often I have to remind him to tuck them in when they are dragging under him. His hands just tremble so badly he can't do these things. He also has fine and gross motor skill delays. Because he functions so highly and is very intelligent, the school often believes he is faking to get out of things (like tying his shoes, doing up his coat etc). We had a huge issue this year over a stupid sewing assignment. He was to use a sewing machine. I was to provide material. As if a child who trembles like he's going through DT's can hold material tightly and put his fingers near a needle zipping up and down!!! I tried to solve this problem by asking for a alternate assignment for difficult child, the school didn't budge. So I simply refused to provide the fabric he required. He ended up sitting doing nothing in these classes, took some flack for it, I took flack for it. But what was difficult child to do?? </p><p>Schools often have unrealistic expectations of our difficult child's. Sounds like you know your difficult child and although I can understand the school wanting your difficult child to be accepted by peers, "jeans" isn't going to be the magic answer. I do think that others here have great ideas though such as leaving certain toys at home, buying pull on pants that look more "up to date" (cargo pants etc). I do this with difficult child. He can do buttons and zippers on his jeans now but I still buy him the cargos and the Nike sports pants etc. I try to buy him cool basketball shoes for wearing to school that I pay a bit more for, but there are some cool ones out there that have no laces, no velcro, just slip them on. I believe difficult child's current one's are Nike but they also sell nice ones in Walmart etc for much cheaper. As for the pants with elastic waists, longer shirts that cover the elastic will help the pants look the same as other kids pants. </p><p>I think the school needs to be realistic, you have a special needs child with his own individual issues and they need to recognize that "changing your difficult child to conform to standards of peers" is unrealistic. Sure there are things you can do to help and there's great ideas here. But I would personally challenge the school to help educate your difficult child's peers about special needs and what it means for your difficult child, that your difficult child is worthy of equal acceptance for being himself, period.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mattsmom27, post: 54929, member: 50"] My difficult child has no delays etc but he "marches to the beat of his own drummer". I have always believed he had/has sensory issues to some degree though. He also has essential tremors in his hands. Buttons are better now and zippers in jeans, but jackets are hard for him. He has a hard time tying shoes so he tucks them inside his shoe, untied. Often I have to remind him to tuck them in when they are dragging under him. His hands just tremble so badly he can't do these things. He also has fine and gross motor skill delays. Because he functions so highly and is very intelligent, the school often believes he is faking to get out of things (like tying his shoes, doing up his coat etc). We had a huge issue this year over a stupid sewing assignment. He was to use a sewing machine. I was to provide material. As if a child who trembles like he's going through DT's can hold material tightly and put his fingers near a needle zipping up and down!!! I tried to solve this problem by asking for a alternate assignment for difficult child, the school didn't budge. So I simply refused to provide the fabric he required. He ended up sitting doing nothing in these classes, took some flack for it, I took flack for it. But what was difficult child to do?? Schools often have unrealistic expectations of our difficult child's. Sounds like you know your difficult child and although I can understand the school wanting your difficult child to be accepted by peers, "jeans" isn't going to be the magic answer. I do think that others here have great ideas though such as leaving certain toys at home, buying pull on pants that look more "up to date" (cargo pants etc). I do this with difficult child. He can do buttons and zippers on his jeans now but I still buy him the cargos and the Nike sports pants etc. I try to buy him cool basketball shoes for wearing to school that I pay a bit more for, but there are some cool ones out there that have no laces, no velcro, just slip them on. I believe difficult child's current one's are Nike but they also sell nice ones in Walmart etc for much cheaper. As for the pants with elastic waists, longer shirts that cover the elastic will help the pants look the same as other kids pants. I think the school needs to be realistic, you have a special needs child with his own individual issues and they need to recognize that "changing your difficult child to conform to standards of peers" is unrealistic. Sure there are things you can do to help and there's great ideas here. But I would personally challenge the school to help educate your difficult child's peers about special needs and what it means for your difficult child, that your difficult child is worthy of equal acceptance for being himself, period. [/QUOTE]
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