I think making them leave has to do with you. Some are dangerous, drain your resources, have no respect, won't do any chores, act like they are great big toddlers and parents continue to pay for some grown kids who lay around and decide to make them leave for their own sanity. It is not usually a first choice, but done after many attempts to help the adult child grow up while still at home.
I personally believe it helps more to force t hem to stand on their own financially than to keep paying for them. Charming or not, nobody will support anybody forever. And looks go as one ages so that can't be depended upon if one isn't pulling his weight in a relationship.
There is no guarantee any adult will decide to live a fruitful life, but of late many of our forum adult children who have been living on the streets are straitening out their lives (see Substance Abuse and Parent Emeritus forums). If they stay at home and have their laundry done for them, and a warm bed, and are treated like adults who are no more capable than little kids, their motivation to grow up can't be very high. And perhaps that makes them feel that you don't think they are capable of being independent. We have to watch out for silent messages. That's how I feel anyway. And you can't enjoy watching it either, or, at least, I know I wouldn't. Some adults never leave the home. Some parents never get to live their life free of t heir adult c hildren, but it is a choice we all make. We decide.
Before you make a decision, does your son have any diagnosis? Anything that would hold him back from being an able bodied worker? Are you 100% sure there are no drugs or heavy drinking going on? Are you paying for cell phone, internet, car, car insurance? Age of son? Any behavioral problems?
This question would probably get more feedback on the Parent Emeritus forum because this particular forum is for people with minor children and PE is for parents of adult children. It's different!
