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Do others feel this way with other children too?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 752867" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Louise</p><p></p><p>Welcome. I am sorry you are suffering but glad you found us here.</p><p></p><p>I have no direct experience with being rejected by a child who embraces her siblings. But I was the outsider in my family of origin. My mother and sister had the relationship, and I was peripheral. I have felt a similar pain. And still do, even 6 years after my mother's death.</p><p></p><p>First, I want to say that I recognize (by personal experience) how cruel are the effects of being rejected by a close family member, even though the rejecting party may or may not intend this as cruel.</p><p></p><p>I think you are between a rock and a hard place which makes your situation impossibly hard, as long as you keep looking for solutions outside of yourself.</p><p></p><p>First, you don't know that your other kids have not spoken to your daughter. Why would they tell you? This would be a private matter between them and their sibling.</p><p></p><p>As long as you search for a "why" I think you will continue to suffer. People do things for all kinds of reasons and most of the time for reasons they don't know. They may tell themselves this or that, but not really understand what truly motivates them. In fact, people will oftentimes reject somebody in order to not know something about themselves that they deeply fear or do not like.</p><p></p><p>So to focus upon what is true or not is to miss the point. It is your truth that your estranged daughter received "more." But her feeling is that she received "less." There are infinite lists each of us can make of what we gave, or what we lacked, what we were not given. As long as we keep playing on this field, there is no healing that can be found. It's just more division and pain. Death through a thousands lists.</p><p></p><p>For me the healing has come within myself. Recognizing the (false) beliefs I have about life and myself. And recognizing that within me, and how I think and what I do, is the source of healing. This can involve spirituality, art, friendship, movement, community, service, work, etc.</p><p></p><p>Your healing is NOT related to anything to do with your daughter, I believe. She is not the missing piece, though it feels this way. Just as my own son will not heal me, although it feels that this is so.</p><p></p><p>I recognize that what I write here is not what you may want to hear. I write here to know and heal myself, as well as to provide support if I can.</p><p></p><p>Other people will come soon and they will provide you other ways to see your situation, perhaps more useful and appropriate than is my own experience. I wish you well and I hope you keep posting. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 752867, member: 18958"] Dear Louise Welcome. I am sorry you are suffering but glad you found us here. I have no direct experience with being rejected by a child who embraces her siblings. But I was the outsider in my family of origin. My mother and sister had the relationship, and I was peripheral. I have felt a similar pain. And still do, even 6 years after my mother's death. First, I want to say that I recognize (by personal experience) how cruel are the effects of being rejected by a close family member, even though the rejecting party may or may not intend this as cruel. I think you are between a rock and a hard place which makes your situation impossibly hard, as long as you keep looking for solutions outside of yourself. First, you don't know that your other kids have not spoken to your daughter. Why would they tell you? This would be a private matter between them and their sibling. As long as you search for a "why" I think you will continue to suffer. People do things for all kinds of reasons and most of the time for reasons they don't know. They may tell themselves this or that, but not really understand what truly motivates them. In fact, people will oftentimes reject somebody in order to not know something about themselves that they deeply fear or do not like. So to focus upon what is true or not is to miss the point. It is your truth that your estranged daughter received "more." But her feeling is that she received "less." There are infinite lists each of us can make of what we gave, or what we lacked, what we were not given. As long as we keep playing on this field, there is no healing that can be found. It's just more division and pain. Death through a thousands lists. For me the healing has come within myself. Recognizing the (false) beliefs I have about life and myself. And recognizing that within me, and how I think and what I do, is the source of healing. This can involve spirituality, art, friendship, movement, community, service, work, etc. Your healing is NOT related to anything to do with your daughter, I believe. She is not the missing piece, though it feels this way. Just as my own son will not heal me, although it feels that this is so. I recognize that what I write here is not what you may want to hear. I write here to know and heal myself, as well as to provide support if I can. Other people will come soon and they will provide you other ways to see your situation, perhaps more useful and appropriate than is my own experience. I wish you well and I hope you keep posting. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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