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Do others feel this way with other children too?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752910" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>We need to take care of ourselves first in my opinion. If it makes us feel whole and good to jump into a situation like this and babysit, we absolutely should. No question. you</p><p></p><p>If we would not be able to forget the rejection of our middle daughter by babysitting the grands to benefit something that brings us great pain....we hurt ourselves and probably would not have fun with the grands if we forced it. </p><p></p><p>I think of it this way, as a shunned mother.</p><p></p><p>If Kay had shunned my son and not myself,would I ask my son, if it devestated him, to lend me his car to drive to a party at Kay's house that he was not allowed to attend? </p><p></p><p>I would never ever do this. Let alone lie and say I needed the car for something else. </p><p></p><p>Of course the shunned people in MY family are all four of us and my two other kids have no interest in interacting with Kay. But in all family systems there are at least certain members who do not get along. If we are shunned from another, and it hurts us a lot, do we really have to stand the hurt? Treat ourselves as if our pain didn't matter? Why? To what good?</p><p></p><p>Wise, you are so on the right track. I would love to paper my entire life in love. I wish I could be the person who loved so dearly and was so selfless that I could boldly step into my pain and act loving anyway, without any discomfort. I have met great people like this, who can do this with Grace. They better than me, as I can not do this yet. Maybe it will never happen for me. We all have our ceilings as to what we can handle.</p><p></p><p>I feel grateful not to be in this difficult situation, Louise. In your shoes, knowing myself, I would never ask my other girls to stick up for me to the shunning daughter, but I would be very hurt that they did not. I would wonder why they didn't if they loved me. I would have needed more therapy than I had. But in the end this question would never get asked. Some people might have to ask and confront. We are all so different.</p><p></p><p>I think it's great to get so much feedback. I embrace every poster's opinions on all these difficult situations </p><p></p><p>The best part about this forum is that just like Al Anon's slogan...."Take what you need and leave the rest" this is what we can do. That is what I hope we ALL do. </p><p></p><p>God bless us all!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752910, member: 23706"] We need to take care of ourselves first in my opinion. If it makes us feel whole and good to jump into a situation like this and babysit, we absolutely should. No question. you If we would not be able to forget the rejection of our middle daughter by babysitting the grands to benefit something that brings us great pain....we hurt ourselves and probably would not have fun with the grands if we forced it. I think of it this way, as a shunned mother. If Kay had shunned my son and not myself,would I ask my son, if it devestated him, to lend me his car to drive to a party at Kay's house that he was not allowed to attend? I would never ever do this. Let alone lie and say I needed the car for something else. Of course the shunned people in MY family are all four of us and my two other kids have no interest in interacting with Kay. But in all family systems there are at least certain members who do not get along. If we are shunned from another, and it hurts us a lot, do we really have to stand the hurt? Treat ourselves as if our pain didn't matter? Why? To what good? Wise, you are so on the right track. I would love to paper my entire life in love. I wish I could be the person who loved so dearly and was so selfless that I could boldly step into my pain and act loving anyway, without any discomfort. I have met great people like this, who can do this with Grace. They better than me, as I can not do this yet. Maybe it will never happen for me. We all have our ceilings as to what we can handle. I feel grateful not to be in this difficult situation, Louise. In your shoes, knowing myself, I would never ask my other girls to stick up for me to the shunning daughter, but I would be very hurt that they did not. I would wonder why they didn't if they loved me. I would have needed more therapy than I had. But in the end this question would never get asked. Some people might have to ask and confront. We are all so different. I think it's great to get so much feedback. I embrace every poster's opinions on all these difficult situations The best part about this forum is that just like Al Anon's slogan...."Take what you need and leave the rest" this is what we can do. That is what I hope we ALL do. God bless us all! [/QUOTE]
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Do others feel this way with other children too?
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