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Do others feel this way with other children too?
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<blockquote data-quote="ksm" data-source="post: 752943" data-attributes="member: 12511"><p>People are just wired differently. I did basically the same thing with my son, and then the two grands we adopted. My son feels loved, that we did what we could to help him be successful. He knows he made some poor choices and had consequences, but we were still supportive of him, even though he knows we didn't support all his choices. He wishes he would have done some things differently.</p><p></p><p>The grands are now 19 and 21. The 21 yo doesn't feel that we were supportive and loving. It's like she wants us to agree and praise every thing she decides to do. She got tattoos, which she knows are not what we would prefer. We never said anything negative about the tattoos, but we didn't gush over them either. Same with nose ring. If she asked us about them, or showed them off, we would just say, if you like them, that's all that is important.</p><p></p><p>But she just wants more, and I guess it feels like we didn't tell her she was pretty or beautiful often enough. We did as a young child, but in grade school she got teased as she always wanted to play princess. We started complimenting her on doing well in schood, being kind or being helpful. </p><p></p><p>It's hard, I want her to know she's pretty, but how in the long run, looks is just the icing on the cake. It's more important to be strong, courageous, forgiving, happy... But she is rude to us and I've heard that she is also that way to her friends. </p><p></p><p>Anything we suggest (mainly me!) she interprets with her own filter. She needed black pants for work, but she bought $4.99 cheap leggings from Walmart. They were very thin across her backside, and you could even get a hint of what color her panties were. I tried to tell her to buy better quality, heavier ones, but she just heard me calling her fat.</p><p></p><p>Now she has told us she is "done with us" as we hired a house sitter for our 17 day volunteer trip working for Habitat for Humanity. She's mad as we didn't give her a key for 24/7 access to our home. But she is so scattered we didn't want her there. When she was living with us, she never took out trash, rinsed off dishes and put in dishwasher, or gave pets food and fresh water. Plus she would take off and not come home for several days.</p><p></p><p>Oh well, maybe things will be better when she is older. She isn't close to her half sister that we also adopted, or her two older half brothers. Each child has a different bio dad, but biomom claims she doesn't know who the bio dad us. My son was there halfway thru the pregnancy and claims her as his daughter. </p><p></p><p>It's sad. I see her hurting, but she pushes me away. Ksm</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ksm, post: 752943, member: 12511"] People are just wired differently. I did basically the same thing with my son, and then the two grands we adopted. My son feels loved, that we did what we could to help him be successful. He knows he made some poor choices and had consequences, but we were still supportive of him, even though he knows we didn't support all his choices. He wishes he would have done some things differently. The grands are now 19 and 21. The 21 yo doesn't feel that we were supportive and loving. It's like she wants us to agree and praise every thing she decides to do. She got tattoos, which she knows are not what we would prefer. We never said anything negative about the tattoos, but we didn't gush over them either. Same with nose ring. If she asked us about them, or showed them off, we would just say, if you like them, that's all that is important. But she just wants more, and I guess it feels like we didn't tell her she was pretty or beautiful often enough. We did as a young child, but in grade school she got teased as she always wanted to play princess. We started complimenting her on doing well in schood, being kind or being helpful. It's hard, I want her to know she's pretty, but how in the long run, looks is just the icing on the cake. It's more important to be strong, courageous, forgiving, happy... But she is rude to us and I've heard that she is also that way to her friends. Anything we suggest (mainly me!) she interprets with her own filter. She needed black pants for work, but she bought $4.99 cheap leggings from Walmart. They were very thin across her backside, and you could even get a hint of what color her panties were. I tried to tell her to buy better quality, heavier ones, but she just heard me calling her fat. Now she has told us she is "done with us" as we hired a house sitter for our 17 day volunteer trip working for Habitat for Humanity. She's mad as we didn't give her a key for 24/7 access to our home. But she is so scattered we didn't want her there. When she was living with us, she never took out trash, rinsed off dishes and put in dishwasher, or gave pets food and fresh water. Plus she would take off and not come home for several days. Oh well, maybe things will be better when she is older. She isn't close to her half sister that we also adopted, or her two older half brothers. Each child has a different bio dad, but biomom claims she doesn't know who the bio dad us. My son was there halfway thru the pregnancy and claims her as his daughter. It's sad. I see her hurting, but she pushes me away. Ksm [/QUOTE]
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