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Parent Emeritus
Do they even know what love is?
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<blockquote data-quote="CAmom" data-source="post: 26995" data-attributes="member: 1835"><p>Barbara,</p><p></p><p>You are so right...I remember being 17 very clearly. Basically, at that age, as much as I loved them, my parents were part of the furniture to me. I remember in excrutiatingly clear detail, at around 15 or 16, my mother taking my hand as we (my parents, my sister, and I) walked down a street on our way to a family dinner out. I STILL can feel my face burning and my terror that someone I knew would walk by and see me holding my mother's hand! </p><p></p><p>But, the difference between me at that age and my son at the same age is that he would have no trouble telling me to "get off" if I reached for his hand at the wrong moment whereas I would have died rather than hurt my mother by shaking her hand off. </p><p></p><p>Then again, there have been times when my son, at 16 or so, would spontaneously put his arms around me for a hug, IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS, when we were saying goodbye as I dropped him off somewhere. Go figure...</p><p></p><p>It always comes back to the the drugs, doesn't it? Drug use changes and destroys everything.</p><p></p><p>Well, the bottom line, as you said, is that whether or not they love us, it isn't really the issue. And, I've gotten to the point where I believe that, whether or not my son loves me, I simply can't allow it to matter to me if he's going to use that love to try to manipulate me into doing the enabling I've done for so long. </p><p></p><p>Now, the trick is to remember that when those knock-you-to-your-knees moments come by when you miss your child so much it fees like you're being torn from the inside out...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CAmom, post: 26995, member: 1835"] Barbara, You are so right...I remember being 17 very clearly. Basically, at that age, as much as I loved them, my parents were part of the furniture to me. I remember in excrutiatingly clear detail, at around 15 or 16, my mother taking my hand as we (my parents, my sister, and I) walked down a street on our way to a family dinner out. I STILL can feel my face burning and my terror that someone I knew would walk by and see me holding my mother's hand! But, the difference between me at that age and my son at the same age is that he would have no trouble telling me to "get off" if I reached for his hand at the wrong moment whereas I would have died rather than hurt my mother by shaking her hand off. Then again, there have been times when my son, at 16 or so, would spontaneously put his arms around me for a hug, IN FRONT OF HIS FRIENDS, when we were saying goodbye as I dropped him off somewhere. Go figure... It always comes back to the the drugs, doesn't it? Drug use changes and destroys everything. Well, the bottom line, as you said, is that whether or not they love us, it isn't really the issue. And, I've gotten to the point where I believe that, whether or not my son loves me, I simply can't allow it to matter to me if he's going to use that love to try to manipulate me into doing the enabling I've done for so long. Now, the trick is to remember that when those knock-you-to-your-knees moments come by when you miss your child so much it fees like you're being torn from the inside out... [/QUOTE]
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