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Do they even know what love is?
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<blockquote data-quote="VLong" data-source="post: 27434" data-attributes="member: 3458"><p>What an interesting topic! My feeling on this have run the gamut. When Justin was 14 to 19 (just last year) he always said the only two people in our family he really loved and cared about were my mom and husband's mom (stepgrandma). And while it hurt my mommy heart, I also could see how he could say this. To him they were the only two people who he thought at the time loved him unconditionally. Everyone else had expectations, rules, limits, etc. for him to live up to and live by. And then last year he was jailed for two months for something he did not do and the charges were eventually dropped. While he was in jail, I wrote him a heartfelt letter letting him know that I loved him unconditionally, among a lot of other things. Since then he has treated me and husband and the rest of the family with such respect and tells me now that he loves me and the rest of the family. (Okay, not husband so much :hammer:, but that's okay. He still shows him respect.) It really didn't sink into his brain, I think, until his best friend died of a heroin overdose on New Year's day this year. Also, he just turned 20 and I think I agree with Ant'smom...they learn what love is at an older age than most.</p><p></p><p>Our kid's are wired differently and some may never really now how to love even though we have showed them how to. It really doesn't matter. We just have to keep loving them, or at least liking them and do our part. I've been called the most vile names by J, but now I see it as his defensive mechanism and he has not done this in almost a year and a half. He knows now that I demand his respect or I will be out of his life and as much of a tough guy he tries to portray himself to be, he doesn't ever want that to happen. He even thanked us for being so tough on him, but I think that maturity setting in and losing his best friend was the catalyst for him changing and for him being able to tell me he loves me...and he means it.</p><p></p><p>Vicki</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="VLong, post: 27434, member: 3458"] What an interesting topic! My feeling on this have run the gamut. When Justin was 14 to 19 (just last year) he always said the only two people in our family he really loved and cared about were my mom and husband's mom (stepgrandma). And while it hurt my mommy heart, I also could see how he could say this. To him they were the only two people who he thought at the time loved him unconditionally. Everyone else had expectations, rules, limits, etc. for him to live up to and live by. And then last year he was jailed for two months for something he did not do and the charges were eventually dropped. While he was in jail, I wrote him a heartfelt letter letting him know that I loved him unconditionally, among a lot of other things. Since then he has treated me and husband and the rest of the family with such respect and tells me now that he loves me and the rest of the family. (Okay, not husband so much [img]:hammer:[/img], but that's okay. He still shows him respect.) It really didn't sink into his brain, I think, until his best friend died of a heroin overdose on New Year's day this year. Also, he just turned 20 and I think I agree with Ant'smom...they learn what love is at an older age than most. Our kid's are wired differently and some may never really now how to love even though we have showed them how to. It really doesn't matter. We just have to keep loving them, or at least liking them and do our part. I've been called the most vile names by J, but now I see it as his defensive mechanism and he has not done this in almost a year and a half. He knows now that I demand his respect or I will be out of his life and as much of a tough guy he tries to portray himself to be, he doesn't ever want that to happen. He even thanked us for being so tough on him, but I think that maturity setting in and losing his best friend was the catalyst for him changing and for him being able to tell me he loves me...and he means it. Vicki [/QUOTE]
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