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Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 637519" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I have no doubt I have gotten something out of the way I have parented my adult kids. As Dr Phil says, we do nothing if we dont get some kind of pay off. I do believe that.</p><p></p><p>For years I felt both very close to Cory because I felt we were so much alike but I also felt incredibly guilty about his physical disabilities. I dont feel that way as much anymore. Yes Cory and I have some of the same issues but I dont understand the way he thinks about so many things anymore. When he was much younger I could say "well, I might have done that, wanted to do that, reacted that way" when I was his age. Now I look at him and think...boy, at his age I was already dealing with IEP's, difficult child's and all of that junk. I didnt have time to be bad. I couldnt rely on my parents to bail me out of anything...and I dont mean that legally but things like needing a sitter for something or needing a ride. Tony and I had to figure all that out for ourselves. </p><p></p><p>I also think we have stunted Billy and I blame Tony for much of that. I wanted to push him out of the nest long ago but he was too scared to do it. Even now Tony is talking about turning our mobile home into a duplex when we get back home so he can live in the other side. I dont want that. In fact, I would be happiest if we could trade the big double wide in on a used smaller single wide. </p><p></p><p>I think one thing that really brought home to me just how much we have been in the giving position and no one seems much interested in helping us back has been since I was in the accident with the truck. Cory and Mandy never even came over to see if I was okay. Heck Mandy never even called. Monkey's mother did. Billy only helped me get to two appointments. Oh but when Billy was in an accident I took him everywhere. I have been called constantly asking me to go do things for Cory since the accident. I am mad. Mad is a good place to be. </p><p></p><p>I dont know what will happen with us eventually because I know we cant rent forever. We have to go home sometime. However when we do I want it to be only Tony and I. I dont want to go back to being the maid. I cant do it and I know no one will help me even if they swear they will.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 637519, member: 1514"] I have no doubt I have gotten something out of the way I have parented my adult kids. As Dr Phil says, we do nothing if we dont get some kind of pay off. I do believe that. For years I felt both very close to Cory because I felt we were so much alike but I also felt incredibly guilty about his physical disabilities. I dont feel that way as much anymore. Yes Cory and I have some of the same issues but I dont understand the way he thinks about so many things anymore. When he was much younger I could say "well, I might have done that, wanted to do that, reacted that way" when I was his age. Now I look at him and think...boy, at his age I was already dealing with IEP's, difficult child's and all of that junk. I didnt have time to be bad. I couldnt rely on my parents to bail me out of anything...and I dont mean that legally but things like needing a sitter for something or needing a ride. Tony and I had to figure all that out for ourselves. I also think we have stunted Billy and I blame Tony for much of that. I wanted to push him out of the nest long ago but he was too scared to do it. Even now Tony is talking about turning our mobile home into a duplex when we get back home so he can live in the other side. I dont want that. In fact, I would be happiest if we could trade the big double wide in on a used smaller single wide. I think one thing that really brought home to me just how much we have been in the giving position and no one seems much interested in helping us back has been since I was in the accident with the truck. Cory and Mandy never even came over to see if I was okay. Heck Mandy never even called. Monkey's mother did. Billy only helped me get to two appointments. Oh but when Billy was in an accident I took him everywhere. I have been called constantly asking me to go do things for Cory since the accident. I am mad. Mad is a good place to be. I dont know what will happen with us eventually because I know we cant rent forever. We have to go home sometime. However when we do I want it to be only Tony and I. I dont want to go back to being the maid. I cant do it and I know no one will help me even if they swear they will. [/QUOTE]
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Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
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