Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 637535" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Sheesh, I actually overran the amount allowed to write!!!</p><p></p><p>So, anyway, here is the rest.........</p><p></p><p>I think recovering from an enabling stance is a very difficult thing to do. I think it is not a stance we just take with our kids, but a lifestyle we enter in to unknowingly and unconsciously and get all tangled up in. I had an enormous amount of therapy and help before I even got to the core of the enabling part. And, once I entered that Codependency program, it took almost 2 years of intensive therapy for me to recover from it. That's how powerful a dynamic this is. It is like a web that runs throughout your entire life and it is usually out of our awareness so that it feels like it is just who we are and how we act. It took me a long time to be able to see how it all worked and how much it infiltrated my life. It took a lot of support and guidance for me to get myself out of it. And, it made me angry a lot too. It felt like an attack on my own self and the choices I made. Because a big part of it is the judging, blaming and self cruelty. Fortunately for me, I had an incredible therapist with a sense of humor who could poke at me with her stick of truth and little by little I began to understand just how ensconced I was in the whole dynamic of codependency, enabling, rescuing, whatever name you want to call it............suffice to say, an unhealthy way of relating to intimacy and connection where control rules but real authentic, nourishing self love and love of others is compromised.</p><p></p><p>This is my journey. This is how I perceive it. I am not presuming to be right or to know what is right for anyone else, all I can do is share what has happened to me and what has worked for me. We all have our own lessons to learn. This one in particular, for me, has been the greatest lesson of my life because it started out by involving the person I love the most, my own daughter. But it lead me to a bigger picture of a way I related to the world in general which I came to discover, was not only not serving me, but in fact harming me and harming those around me. It was the most difficult journey I have ever taken, the hardest to open to and learn from...........but in the end it changed my whole life in ways that I never even imagined. Learning to let go of enabling, learning to detach from not only my daughter but to anything I have no control over, and to accept what is, has been the greatest gift of my life. I am eternally grateful to have taken this journey because in almost every way, I think it gave me my real life and although the jury is still actually out, I believe it gave my daughter her real life too, whatever that is........</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 637535, member: 13542"] Sheesh, I actually overran the amount allowed to write!!! So, anyway, here is the rest......... I think recovering from an enabling stance is a very difficult thing to do. I think it is not a stance we just take with our kids, but a lifestyle we enter in to unknowingly and unconsciously and get all tangled up in. I had an enormous amount of therapy and help before I even got to the core of the enabling part. And, once I entered that Codependency program, it took almost 2 years of intensive therapy for me to recover from it. That's how powerful a dynamic this is. It is like a web that runs throughout your entire life and it is usually out of our awareness so that it feels like it is just who we are and how we act. It took me a long time to be able to see how it all worked and how much it infiltrated my life. It took a lot of support and guidance for me to get myself out of it. And, it made me angry a lot too. It felt like an attack on my own self and the choices I made. Because a big part of it is the judging, blaming and self cruelty. Fortunately for me, I had an incredible therapist with a sense of humor who could poke at me with her stick of truth and little by little I began to understand just how ensconced I was in the whole dynamic of codependency, enabling, rescuing, whatever name you want to call it............suffice to say, an unhealthy way of relating to intimacy and connection where control rules but real authentic, nourishing self love and love of others is compromised. This is my journey. This is how I perceive it. I am not presuming to be right or to know what is right for anyone else, all I can do is share what has happened to me and what has worked for me. We all have our own lessons to learn. This one in particular, for me, has been the greatest lesson of my life because it started out by involving the person I love the most, my own daughter. But it lead me to a bigger picture of a way I related to the world in general which I came to discover, was not only not serving me, but in fact harming me and harming those around me. It was the most difficult journey I have ever taken, the hardest to open to and learn from...........but in the end it changed my whole life in ways that I never even imagined. Learning to let go of enabling, learning to detach from not only my daughter but to anything I have no control over, and to accept what is, has been the greatest gift of my life. I am eternally grateful to have taken this journey because in almost every way, I think it gave me my real life and although the jury is still actually out, I believe it gave my daughter her real life too, whatever that is........ [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do we get something out of enabling our grown kids?
Top