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Do you agree with my therapist?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 618348" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I don't really care who recommended this therapist. He is a crackpot. If your son wants a college education, he can get it without your help. The money you are giving him will NOT pay for that education, and in my opinion the current problems are FAR bigger than whether he goes to college now or not. I know a LOT about this because my mother was a professor and spent many years studying retention and things that contribute to a student going to college and continuing in college until they get a degree. Gas money from a parent at age 19 is NOT a significant factor. Physically attacking a parent, esp a mother attacked by a son, shows a HUGE array of problems and at best a lack of maturity and social appropriateness that will hamper him FAR MORE in life than presence or absence of a college degree.</p><p></p><p>My BIGGEST problem is this therapist is encouraging you to go against your instincts. That is a HUGE bad thing to me. A therapist should encourage you to trust your instincts and to follow them rather than some other set of rules set by other people. That goes for EVERY aspect of your life and your parenting. Tdocs who advise against that are NOT worth following. </p><p></p><p>Years ago one of my professors in an abnormal psychiatric class told me to be wary of therapists (he was a licensed psychologist with multiple graduate degrees) because the main reason people become therapists is to figure out their own screwed up minds and lives and family dynamics. The good tdocs I have had have ALL openly admitted that they had to work through their issues and until they did, there was NOTHING that they did that really helped patients. WHY? They saw all their patients' problems through their own unhealthy biases. they had to sort those out before they could help anyone. Physician heal thyself, Know what I mean?? This therapist has his own issues, or he would not be focused on having you pay your son to see you esp after your son attacked you. ANY/EVERY reputable therapist should be urging you to press charges so your son can fully learn that this is unacceptable before he ends up in prison for allowing his anger to cause him to do more serious harm to someone that results in felony charges and/or someone being hospitalized or killed due to your son's anger issues. College isn't a real concern if the person is going to assault people hwen he gets angry. How to pay legal fees and damages is more of a concern than gas money, Know what I mean?? </p><p></p><p>I completely and TOTALLY disagree with the advice to follow the guy's directions because you want your son to follow a therapist's advice. You MUST make your own decisions and follow your own instincts. YOU are paying this therapist, and if his advice isn't helpful, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to do what is best for you in your judgement. It is not the therapist's life, or his family, or his bruises and pain that you are experiencing. It is your life and the responsibility for it lies with you, so you need to choose what advice you wish to follow. Only you will have to live with the aftermath if you follow bad advice, not him. </p><p></p><p>I was once given the advice to listen to my therapist even if I didn't agree. That led husband and I to follow some truly awful, horrible advice that to this very day is one of my biggest regrets. That therapist studied books, but he does not know your life, your child, the entire situation, or what is best for you. Your mind is not immature the way a teen's mind is, and you have sound instincts and judgement. </p><p></p><p>Do Not Ever Substitute Someone Else's Judgement For Your Own. Ever. Not Even Mine.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 618348, member: 1233"] I don't really care who recommended this therapist. He is a crackpot. If your son wants a college education, he can get it without your help. The money you are giving him will NOT pay for that education, and in my opinion the current problems are FAR bigger than whether he goes to college now or not. I know a LOT about this because my mother was a professor and spent many years studying retention and things that contribute to a student going to college and continuing in college until they get a degree. Gas money from a parent at age 19 is NOT a significant factor. Physically attacking a parent, esp a mother attacked by a son, shows a HUGE array of problems and at best a lack of maturity and social appropriateness that will hamper him FAR MORE in life than presence or absence of a college degree. My BIGGEST problem is this therapist is encouraging you to go against your instincts. That is a HUGE bad thing to me. A therapist should encourage you to trust your instincts and to follow them rather than some other set of rules set by other people. That goes for EVERY aspect of your life and your parenting. Tdocs who advise against that are NOT worth following. Years ago one of my professors in an abnormal psychiatric class told me to be wary of therapists (he was a licensed psychologist with multiple graduate degrees) because the main reason people become therapists is to figure out their own screwed up minds and lives and family dynamics. The good tdocs I have had have ALL openly admitted that they had to work through their issues and until they did, there was NOTHING that they did that really helped patients. WHY? They saw all their patients' problems through their own unhealthy biases. they had to sort those out before they could help anyone. Physician heal thyself, Know what I mean?? This therapist has his own issues, or he would not be focused on having you pay your son to see you esp after your son attacked you. ANY/EVERY reputable therapist should be urging you to press charges so your son can fully learn that this is unacceptable before he ends up in prison for allowing his anger to cause him to do more serious harm to someone that results in felony charges and/or someone being hospitalized or killed due to your son's anger issues. College isn't a real concern if the person is going to assault people hwen he gets angry. How to pay legal fees and damages is more of a concern than gas money, Know what I mean?? I completely and TOTALLY disagree with the advice to follow the guy's directions because you want your son to follow a therapist's advice. You MUST make your own decisions and follow your own instincts. YOU are paying this therapist, and if his advice isn't helpful, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to do what is best for you in your judgement. It is not the therapist's life, or his family, or his bruises and pain that you are experiencing. It is your life and the responsibility for it lies with you, so you need to choose what advice you wish to follow. Only you will have to live with the aftermath if you follow bad advice, not him. I was once given the advice to listen to my therapist even if I didn't agree. That led husband and I to follow some truly awful, horrible advice that to this very day is one of my biggest regrets. That therapist studied books, but he does not know your life, your child, the entire situation, or what is best for you. Your mind is not immature the way a teen's mind is, and you have sound instincts and judgement. Do Not Ever Substitute Someone Else's Judgement For Your Own. Ever. Not Even Mine. [/QUOTE]
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