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Do you agree with my therapist?
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 618349" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Your therapist's advice made me think of one other thing. Why on EARTH would a rational person continue to give money to someone who disrespected them and abused them? what message does that tell the other person? That they should be paid to abuse and harm you?</p><p></p><p>Years ago a therapist hwo was a post-doctoral student told us to give Wiz a token each time he was nice to Jess or didn't hurt her. Five tokens could be redeemed for a book worth up to five dollars according to this man. I was horrified and refused. I went to his advisor/boss about this. Why? What message did it send to Jess that her own brother had to be paid to simply not hurt her badly enough to bruise her? What would the end result of that be in HER life?</p><p></p><p>The postdoc therapist's point of view was that we were not there to deal with Jess's issues, we were trying to deal with Wiz', not her. His boss was not just horrified, she was flat out furious. It blew her mind that the guy flat out didn't seem to realize that by diong this he would reinforce J's position as 'less than' in both Wiz' mind AND in J's mind. Boy did the guy get chewed out and he had to do some extra work because you cannot treat one part of a family without taking into account how it will impact the rest of the family.</p><p></p><p>Your therapist's advice may benefit your difficult child (though I highly doubt it), but it won't benefit you. what does it say abut you to yourself if you must pay your child to see yu? If you must still continue to pay him to see you even after he has assaulted you? That is messed up six ways to Sunday.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 618349, member: 1233"] Your therapist's advice made me think of one other thing. Why on EARTH would a rational person continue to give money to someone who disrespected them and abused them? what message does that tell the other person? That they should be paid to abuse and harm you? Years ago a therapist hwo was a post-doctoral student told us to give Wiz a token each time he was nice to Jess or didn't hurt her. Five tokens could be redeemed for a book worth up to five dollars according to this man. I was horrified and refused. I went to his advisor/boss about this. Why? What message did it send to Jess that her own brother had to be paid to simply not hurt her badly enough to bruise her? What would the end result of that be in HER life? The postdoc therapist's point of view was that we were not there to deal with Jess's issues, we were trying to deal with Wiz', not her. His boss was not just horrified, she was flat out furious. It blew her mind that the guy flat out didn't seem to realize that by diong this he would reinforce J's position as 'less than' in both Wiz' mind AND in J's mind. Boy did the guy get chewed out and he had to do some extra work because you cannot treat one part of a family without taking into account how it will impact the rest of the family. Your therapist's advice may benefit your difficult child (though I highly doubt it), but it won't benefit you. what does it say abut you to yourself if you must pay your child to see yu? If you must still continue to pay him to see you even after he has assaulted you? That is messed up six ways to Sunday. [/QUOTE]
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