Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do you all ever think there will come a time that we don't deal with all this drama anymore?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="CrazyinVA" data-source="post: 677973" data-attributes="member: 1157"><p>My oldest is 32 now, and there is still plenty of drama. Still poor decision making. However, over the years I have learned to distance myself from it as best I can. That doesn’t mean I don’t get sucked back in occasionally, but I work hard on reminding myself these are HER choices, not mine. None of it is for me to fix. I don’t wait on the other shoe to drop, I just let her be the one to pick it up if it falls. I will offer appropriate assistance at appropriate times, but I pick and choose carefully.</p><p></p><p>I know it’s uncomfortable when people ask about your Difficult Child – but I tend to just answer as politely as I can, with minimal information. “Oh, she’s doing ok. Living [wherever she happens to be living at the time].” </p><p></p><p>One thing that helps is to remember you don’t have to answer the phone, or the text, or even the door if you don’t feel up to it. Let those frantic calls or texts sit a few hours before even responding. Deliberately leave your phone in the other room so you don’t even see them. If you worry about what might happen if you don’t respond, just remind yourself about all the other times you did respond immediately – did it really make a difference? Usually not. </p><p></p><p>As others have said, there is nothing we can do about whether or not they “grow up” and become drama free. But we CAN do something about how we deal with it, how we react to it. For me, I honestly have come to accept that there will always be issues with my Oldest. Her situation is just too complicated. But I can’t do anything about it. </p><p>Getting to acceptance takes a lot of practice, and for me, took a lot of sessions with a great therapist. But I got there, for the most part. Some stuff going on lately that has pulled me back into the drama river a bit, but I’m working again to pull back out. The important thing for me is to separate myself from her – I had to learn how to not take all her stuff personally, as though it’s happening to me. It’s not happening to me, and it’s not because of anything I’m doing (or not doing). She makes her choices, not me. She has to deal with the consequences.. not me.</p><p></p><p>My mantra for 2016 is “Let It Go.” (only not that annoying song.. ha) I’ve done all I can.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="CrazyinVA, post: 677973, member: 1157"] My oldest is 32 now, and there is still plenty of drama. Still poor decision making. However, over the years I have learned to distance myself from it as best I can. That doesn’t mean I don’t get sucked back in occasionally, but I work hard on reminding myself these are HER choices, not mine. None of it is for me to fix. I don’t wait on the other shoe to drop, I just let her be the one to pick it up if it falls. I will offer appropriate assistance at appropriate times, but I pick and choose carefully. I know it’s uncomfortable when people ask about your Difficult Child – but I tend to just answer as politely as I can, with minimal information. “Oh, she’s doing ok. Living [wherever she happens to be living at the time].” One thing that helps is to remember you don’t have to answer the phone, or the text, or even the door if you don’t feel up to it. Let those frantic calls or texts sit a few hours before even responding. Deliberately leave your phone in the other room so you don’t even see them. If you worry about what might happen if you don’t respond, just remind yourself about all the other times you did respond immediately – did it really make a difference? Usually not. As others have said, there is nothing we can do about whether or not they “grow up” and become drama free. But we CAN do something about how we deal with it, how we react to it. For me, I honestly have come to accept that there will always be issues with my Oldest. Her situation is just too complicated. But I can’t do anything about it. Getting to acceptance takes a lot of practice, and for me, took a lot of sessions with a great therapist. But I got there, for the most part. Some stuff going on lately that has pulled me back into the drama river a bit, but I’m working again to pull back out. The important thing for me is to separate myself from her – I had to learn how to not take all her stuff personally, as though it’s happening to me. It’s not happening to me, and it’s not because of anything I’m doing (or not doing). She makes her choices, not me. She has to deal with the consequences.. not me. My mantra for 2016 is “Let It Go.” (only not that annoying song.. ha) I’ve done all I can. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Do you all ever think there will come a time that we don't deal with all this drama anymore?
Top