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<blockquote data-quote="Beta" data-source="post: 747825" data-attributes="member: 22597"><p>Wow-so much wisdom here. Thank you each so much for taking the time to read and respond. </p><p>Sorry, I've not figured out to copy and paste quotes from other posts, and yes, someone posted how to do it. Just not very good with technology.</p><p>Overcome Mom: I could have written what you wrote. I have always believed that God placed him with us and that his life with his birth family would have been a disaster. Most days I believe that, but occasionally, I struggle. I too have to constantly try to "separate" who he WAS from who he IS and keep those two people separate. There have been moments when I have felt regret that we ever brought him home but then I ask myself, "Would you really have wanted to miss those happy, joyful moments with the sweet boy he was?" No and yes. Hard to say at times. I remember when he was three years old I thought I had a near perfect child, and I thought that this parenting thing wasn't all that hard (I laugh at that now). At the time, I thought all you had to do was give them lots of love and loving discipline and training, and they would turn out fine. It's only been in the last 7-10 years I realize how naive that was. As others have said on this site, if love were enough to prevent our kids from going off the rails or bringing them back, we wouldn't be here in the first place. </p><p></p><p>I do know that God used my children to heal many things in myself. As I nurtured them, I indirectly received the nurturing and care I didn't receive as a child. So I know that was one way God used it for good. All I can do now is trust that God will continue to bring good out of evil, just as when Joseph told his brothers in Genesis, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good." I think God knew what his choices would be and where he would end up and put us in his life to pray for him at a time when he himself is incapable or unwilling to turn to God. There are just some days that it gets to me and I start to question if we did the right thing. </p><p></p><p>I too have come to the conclusion that DNA/genetics is a lot more influential than what we realize. I think something began to go wrong in Josh and that, coupled with the choices he himself made and the things he has opened himself up to, have led him down a road of destruction. Nothing I say to him makes the slightest difference to him. I am slowly coming to accept that and am detaching bit by bit. The pain will always be there, I know. </p><p></p><p>Copa--I agree. We can't know yet what the meaning of this suffering is. We can only grow in faith and hope and find, hopefully, that God is enough for this suffering. In Scripture, God says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." I can say without hesitation that this has definitely drawn me toward God. I couldn't bear it without Him. And yes, you're very perceptive--I do tend to "flagellate" myself. I'm not sure why I think punishing myself is going to change anything, but emotions aren't always logical, are they? </p><p></p><p>200Meters- "God has not called us to be successful, but to be faithful." Totally agree. </p><p></p><p>Thank you all again for engaging with me in this. It helps so much to see other people echo the same emotions and thoughts I'm dealing with. Such a sad thing to know though that there are so many hurting parents. Hugs to you all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Beta, post: 747825, member: 22597"] Wow-so much wisdom here. Thank you each so much for taking the time to read and respond. Sorry, I've not figured out to copy and paste quotes from other posts, and yes, someone posted how to do it. Just not very good with technology. Overcome Mom: I could have written what you wrote. I have always believed that God placed him with us and that his life with his birth family would have been a disaster. Most days I believe that, but occasionally, I struggle. I too have to constantly try to "separate" who he WAS from who he IS and keep those two people separate. There have been moments when I have felt regret that we ever brought him home but then I ask myself, "Would you really have wanted to miss those happy, joyful moments with the sweet boy he was?" No and yes. Hard to say at times. I remember when he was three years old I thought I had a near perfect child, and I thought that this parenting thing wasn't all that hard (I laugh at that now). At the time, I thought all you had to do was give them lots of love and loving discipline and training, and they would turn out fine. It's only been in the last 7-10 years I realize how naive that was. As others have said on this site, if love were enough to prevent our kids from going off the rails or bringing them back, we wouldn't be here in the first place. I do know that God used my children to heal many things in myself. As I nurtured them, I indirectly received the nurturing and care I didn't receive as a child. So I know that was one way God used it for good. All I can do now is trust that God will continue to bring good out of evil, just as when Joseph told his brothers in Genesis, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good." I think God knew what his choices would be and where he would end up and put us in his life to pray for him at a time when he himself is incapable or unwilling to turn to God. There are just some days that it gets to me and I start to question if we did the right thing. I too have come to the conclusion that DNA/genetics is a lot more influential than what we realize. I think something began to go wrong in Josh and that, coupled with the choices he himself made and the things he has opened himself up to, have led him down a road of destruction. Nothing I say to him makes the slightest difference to him. I am slowly coming to accept that and am detaching bit by bit. The pain will always be there, I know. Copa--I agree. We can't know yet what the meaning of this suffering is. We can only grow in faith and hope and find, hopefully, that God is enough for this suffering. In Scripture, God says, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." I can say without hesitation that this has definitely drawn me toward God. I couldn't bear it without Him. And yes, you're very perceptive--I do tend to "flagellate" myself. I'm not sure why I think punishing myself is going to change anything, but emotions aren't always logical, are they? 200Meters- "God has not called us to be successful, but to be faithful." Totally agree. Thank you all again for engaging with me in this. It helps so much to see other people echo the same emotions and thoughts I'm dealing with. Such a sad thing to know though that there are so many hurting parents. Hugs to you all. [/QUOTE]
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