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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 433356" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I still get people giving me the benefit of their wisdom, when they haven't a clue. yesterday I got "You realise that this new problem of his, not being able to concentrate, is because you let him play too much computer games? He's just not interested in doing his schoolwork, that's all."</p><p></p><p>They're not the ones sitting with him, watching him struggle, trying to stay on task, trying to come back on task, coming to me and asking mer to explain it to him. Yes, he plays a lot of computer games, but I think it is chicken or the egg - he plays the games as a coping strategy, and the worse he feels, the more he struggles, the more he feels he needs to do other things online or with games. I see the gaming as a symptom, not a cause. But of course, "he has me fooled".</p><p></p><p>Another thing that cheeses me off, is when people try to 'manage' him in ways we know are not a good idea. We don't send him mixed messages except very carefully with obvious "this is a joke" signals. But other people are too subtle, and too confusing, then they get upset with him when he gets angry or does not respond as they want him to. The relatives and friends that complain, "But I was only joking!" really don't get it. Frankly, the friends that do this we learn to avoid and they soon stop being such close friends. The relatives - you can't choose them.</p><p></p><p>Because I also am disabled, I get the patronising crud a lot. People have assumed (they have asked me, that's how I know) that difficult child 3's autism is because I am disabled. They think my limping when I walk is indicative of mental weakness. Just try me, boyo! I can run rings around people in any topic except sport.</p><p></p><p>How do I handle it? For a long time I tried to ignore it, but now I confront it. Politely, but firmly. I will even make a joke out of it because these comments and behaviours come from people feeling uncomfortable and ignorant. So I make them smile and also reassure them that I am perfectly mentally competent, thank you, there's nothing wrong with me. Then I walk off, twitching obviously.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 433356, member: 1991"] I still get people giving me the benefit of their wisdom, when they haven't a clue. yesterday I got "You realise that this new problem of his, not being able to concentrate, is because you let him play too much computer games? He's just not interested in doing his schoolwork, that's all." They're not the ones sitting with him, watching him struggle, trying to stay on task, trying to come back on task, coming to me and asking mer to explain it to him. Yes, he plays a lot of computer games, but I think it is chicken or the egg - he plays the games as a coping strategy, and the worse he feels, the more he struggles, the more he feels he needs to do other things online or with games. I see the gaming as a symptom, not a cause. But of course, "he has me fooled". Another thing that cheeses me off, is when people try to 'manage' him in ways we know are not a good idea. We don't send him mixed messages except very carefully with obvious "this is a joke" signals. But other people are too subtle, and too confusing, then they get upset with him when he gets angry or does not respond as they want him to. The relatives and friends that complain, "But I was only joking!" really don't get it. Frankly, the friends that do this we learn to avoid and they soon stop being such close friends. The relatives - you can't choose them. Because I also am disabled, I get the patronising crud a lot. People have assumed (they have asked me, that's how I know) that difficult child 3's autism is because I am disabled. They think my limping when I walk is indicative of mental weakness. Just try me, boyo! I can run rings around people in any topic except sport. How do I handle it? For a long time I tried to ignore it, but now I confront it. Politely, but firmly. I will even make a joke out of it because these comments and behaviours come from people feeling uncomfortable and ignorant. So I make them smile and also reassure them that I am perfectly mentally competent, thank you, there's nothing wrong with me. Then I walk off, twitching obviously. Marg [/QUOTE]
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