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General Parenting
Do you ever get tired of being blamed???
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 281656" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi there. I'm sorry you are dealing with other's ignorance. I suggest joining a support group for parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). THEY understand. Now for the problem...</p><p></p><p>After raising five kids, I've learned to refuse to listen to anybody who wants to give me helpful advice about my kids or to blame me for anything, and they don't do it because I am very clear that the feedback about myself is not welcome. If a teacher says anything, I tell them they are educators, not therapists or experts on my children's problems and I am very clear about it. I don't want their critique on my parenting. They are to tell me about my child and give me feedback, not tell me anything about their feelings as to why the kids are this way or that way. I've always been able to get educators to back down. I don't really care what they say in private, but you have to remember to tell yourself that they really don't know. Their degree is in teaching and if they start with "But I see a lot..." I cut them off and say, "And all kids present differently. Seeing a lot is not understanding why." Teachers and I get along well, but they have to respect me.</p><p></p><p>Any therapist who wants to work with my family either has to be helpful or I'll find somebody else. Maybe it's because, at age 55, I've been through so many tdocs myself, that I don't get rattled easily. Therapy is theory, and some therapists are able to give better feedback than others. Some I've gone to have been completely clueless so I don't go back. Cognitive Therapy is great because it actually helps the problem without judgment and it works! </p><p></p><p>Family and friends need to know your boundaries. It's not that hard to get them to stop the criticism. I've found that saying, "You know, I'd rather not discuss my children's disorders because they are complex and hard to understand unless you are trained" has worked. And then, if they start, I change the subject. If they still won't stop, I say, "I don't really want to discuss this right now." </p><p></p><p>Rude? Well, I don't speak in a rude tone. And it's truly rude for others to question your parenting to your face. I think you have to shut out the outside voices. I have a child on the spectrum. He's the way he is because of his disorder, not because of my parenting. And I won't let anyone else tell me differently. And they don't. (((Hugs))) to a great parent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 281656, member: 1550"] Hi there. I'm sorry you are dealing with other's ignorance. I suggest joining a support group for parents of children with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). THEY understand. Now for the problem... After raising five kids, I've learned to refuse to listen to anybody who wants to give me helpful advice about my kids or to blame me for anything, and they don't do it because I am very clear that the feedback about myself is not welcome. If a teacher says anything, I tell them they are educators, not therapists or experts on my children's problems and I am very clear about it. I don't want their critique on my parenting. They are to tell me about my child and give me feedback, not tell me anything about their feelings as to why the kids are this way or that way. I've always been able to get educators to back down. I don't really care what they say in private, but you have to remember to tell yourself that they really don't know. Their degree is in teaching and if they start with "But I see a lot..." I cut them off and say, "And all kids present differently. Seeing a lot is not understanding why." Teachers and I get along well, but they have to respect me. Any therapist who wants to work with my family either has to be helpful or I'll find somebody else. Maybe it's because, at age 55, I've been through so many tdocs myself, that I don't get rattled easily. Therapy is theory, and some therapists are able to give better feedback than others. Some I've gone to have been completely clueless so I don't go back. Cognitive Therapy is great because it actually helps the problem without judgment and it works! Family and friends need to know your boundaries. It's not that hard to get them to stop the criticism. I've found that saying, "You know, I'd rather not discuss my children's disorders because they are complex and hard to understand unless you are trained" has worked. And then, if they start, I change the subject. If they still won't stop, I say, "I don't really want to discuss this right now." Rude? Well, I don't speak in a rude tone. And it's truly rude for others to question your parenting to your face. I think you have to shut out the outside voices. I have a child on the spectrum. He's the way he is because of his disorder, not because of my parenting. And I won't let anyone else tell me differently. And they don't. (((Hugs))) to a great parent. [/QUOTE]
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