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Do you know a Psychopath?
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<blockquote data-quote="donna723" data-source="post: 130715" data-attributes="member: 1883"><p>OMG Marg! You described him <u>perfectly</u>!</p><p> </p><p><em>"... a sociopath KNOWS they are manipulating people, knows they are doing what THEY want, regardless, and they don't care. They know it is wrong, but consider it justified to "do unto others before they do unto you" because clearly, THEY are more important and more deserving than everybody else. These people are capable of caring about others, but not in the same way or to the same degree. Often they view their 'loved ones' more as possessions or extensions of themselves."</em></p><p> </p><p>That's just mind-boggling! I'm not so sure if the, <em>"do unto others before they do unto you"</em> part is exactly true with him. It's more that other people are important to him only for what they can do for him or what he can get out of them. A perfect example is how he treated our children. He "cultivated" our daughter, promoted a special bond with her, treated her completely different than he did her brother. And he did his best to come between her and I, made her feel like she had to choose between us. She outwardly went along because she felt sorry for him, tried to understand him, believed everything he told her. And she was more than a little afraid of him and didn't want him to treat her the way he treated me. The payback he got from this was that she backed him up and told him what he wanted to hear. He felt that she was on his side. With our son though, he was OK with him when he was very young. But as he got older, he surpassed his dad in every way - he was bigger (6'5" now), much smarter, and better looking. Most people would be proud to have a son like him, but instead I think he saw him as some sort of "rival" who had outdone him ... and he resented him openly. And he wasn't as easily swayed as our daughter was, so he just wrote him off. I will never forget the day he told me that he always had considered our daughter to be "his" child and our son to be mine! He hurt and manipulated both of them, but in different ways. And now that our daughter has "turned against him" and refused to loan him any more money, he will be done with her too.</p><p> </p><p>A perfect example of how he treated our son and how nothing mattered but what HE wanted was when our son was in high school and had a big part in the class play. They were doing "Our Town" and he had a large speaking part. I was surprised that he even wanted to do it, but he really got in to it. Thirty kids and several teachers had worked on this play for two months. The week before the performances, ex's mother died in Florida. Our son barely knew his grandma, had only met her once, but he felt he should go to her funeral so he flew down with his dad. The first performance of the play was on a Friday, a week away, and another the following Sunday. Ex hem-hawed about what day the return flight was - come to find out it was the next SUNDAY MORNING - he planned to stay all week and demanded that son stay there with him. We could have paid a small fee and gotten son on an earlier fight by himself, but ex forbid it and raised such a stink that son gave in and stayed - he didn't have much choice. They could get no one to take over son's part in the play. So because of ex's selfishness, the Friday performance of the play had to be cancelled - after thirty kids had worked on it for two months. Sunday morning we went straight from the airport to the school and they did the Sunday performance, which went over well. They lost a lot of money by cancelling the main Friday evening performance and everyone was hysterical thinking they may have to cancel the Sunday performance too, but they pulled it off and did well.</p><p> </p><p>But none of that mattered because HE got what HE wanted! He just wanted son's company on the return flight and he got it! And I stayed married to that man for twenty years!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="donna723, post: 130715, member: 1883"] OMG Marg! You described him [U]perfectly[/U]! [I]"... a sociopath KNOWS they are manipulating people, knows they are doing what THEY want, regardless, and they don't care. They know it is wrong, but consider it justified to "do unto others before they do unto you" because clearly, THEY are more important and more deserving than everybody else. These people are capable of caring about others, but not in the same way or to the same degree. Often they view their 'loved ones' more as possessions or extensions of themselves."[/I] That's just mind-boggling! I'm not so sure if the, [I]"do unto others before they do unto you"[/I] part is exactly true with him. It's more that other people are important to him only for what they can do for him or what he can get out of them. A perfect example is how he treated our children. He "cultivated" our daughter, promoted a special bond with her, treated her completely different than he did her brother. And he did his best to come between her and I, made her feel like she had to choose between us. She outwardly went along because she felt sorry for him, tried to understand him, believed everything he told her. And she was more than a little afraid of him and didn't want him to treat her the way he treated me. The payback he got from this was that she backed him up and told him what he wanted to hear. He felt that she was on his side. With our son though, he was OK with him when he was very young. But as he got older, he surpassed his dad in every way - he was bigger (6'5" now), much smarter, and better looking. Most people would be proud to have a son like him, but instead I think he saw him as some sort of "rival" who had outdone him ... and he resented him openly. And he wasn't as easily swayed as our daughter was, so he just wrote him off. I will never forget the day he told me that he always had considered our daughter to be "his" child and our son to be mine! He hurt and manipulated both of them, but in different ways. And now that our daughter has "turned against him" and refused to loan him any more money, he will be done with her too. A perfect example of how he treated our son and how nothing mattered but what HE wanted was when our son was in high school and had a big part in the class play. They were doing "Our Town" and he had a large speaking part. I was surprised that he even wanted to do it, but he really got in to it. Thirty kids and several teachers had worked on this play for two months. The week before the performances, ex's mother died in Florida. Our son barely knew his grandma, had only met her once, but he felt he should go to her funeral so he flew down with his dad. The first performance of the play was on a Friday, a week away, and another the following Sunday. Ex hem-hawed about what day the return flight was - come to find out it was the next SUNDAY MORNING - he planned to stay all week and demanded that son stay there with him. We could have paid a small fee and gotten son on an earlier fight by himself, but ex forbid it and raised such a stink that son gave in and stayed - he didn't have much choice. They could get no one to take over son's part in the play. So because of ex's selfishness, the Friday performance of the play had to be cancelled - after thirty kids had worked on it for two months. Sunday morning we went straight from the airport to the school and they did the Sunday performance, which went over well. They lost a lot of money by cancelling the main Friday evening performance and everyone was hysterical thinking they may have to cancel the Sunday performance too, but they pulled it off and did well. But none of that mattered because HE got what HE wanted! He just wanted son's company on the return flight and he got it! And I stayed married to that man for twenty years! [/QUOTE]
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