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Do you think he is cutting?
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<blockquote data-quote="Otto von Bismark" data-source="post: 468804" data-attributes="member: 12905"><p>We have always gone with uber honesty, even though some of the things have been uncomfortable to talk about.</p><p>Have you asked him if he is wanking in the bathroom? Why he is going through so much toilet paper?</p><p></p><p>My son has had a lot of masturbation problems, so much so that we have several "affectionate" euphemisms for the deed, which makes talking about it a little easier. Also, when his diet is off, he has bowel issues, so he has spent his fair share of time doing mysterious things in the bathroom. He also doesn't always tell the truth.</p><p>I don't think masturbation is too much information, by the way...our son got compulsive about it and it became quite demystified for us and is no big deal to talk about. We are dealing with teenage boys, here.</p><p></p><p>We shoot straight. Ask exactly what we want to know, using logic and setting the conversation up so if he is not truthful and we know it, he knows we will be following up with some checking, searching, no closed door privileges. For a while this included my husband monitoring showers.</p><p></p><p>Also, a lot of times it is better man-to-man. My husband is VERY gifted in talking to boys, and also, getting to the bottom of a web of lies. He can crack my son every time these days, with logic, mostly, and his skills are improving with practice.</p><p></p><p>Can you -- or better -- your husband -- say something like, "We noticed you are going through a lot of toilet paper and spending a lot of time in the bathroom. We saw the blood and were concerned, but the doctor couldn't find anything wrong. This doesn't make sense, and causes us to think that you are hiding something from us that is getting out of hand. I know this is "<a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=awkward%20turtle" target="_blank">awkward turtle</a>" to talk about it, but we have to..." We do use humor a lot, because,well, we would go nuts without it, and it does diffuse super awkward situations.</p><p></p><p>Then just ask him. You can say, "I really want you to tell me the truth." And if you don't believe him, something like, " This still doesn't make sense. I am so concerned that we need to check, blah blah blah...especially since you have a history of cutting." </p><p></p><p>For me, saying something like "I STILL don't believe you" was hard to start saying, even when I still didn't believe my son. I thought it would somehow hurt his feelings if he WAS telling the truth. I don't care anymore. He knows the consequence for being a chronic liar is that we don't always believe him the first time and he gets extra questioning. No guilt or anger. Just matter of fact.</p><p></p><p>I think if he is doing something secretive and bad for himself, then getting it out in the open with take away the "dirty little secret" feeling that can be such a burden, and it becomes just a problem you can help him with because you can talk about it.</p><p>I think problems like masturbation that gets out of hand, cutting, bulimia, and bowel problems (which can be scary if you are dealing with them alone) all fall under this category.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Otto von Bismark, post: 468804, member: 12905"] We have always gone with uber honesty, even though some of the things have been uncomfortable to talk about. Have you asked him if he is wanking in the bathroom? Why he is going through so much toilet paper? My son has had a lot of masturbation problems, so much so that we have several "affectionate" euphemisms for the deed, which makes talking about it a little easier. Also, when his diet is off, he has bowel issues, so he has spent his fair share of time doing mysterious things in the bathroom. He also doesn't always tell the truth. I don't think masturbation is too much information, by the way...our son got compulsive about it and it became quite demystified for us and is no big deal to talk about. We are dealing with teenage boys, here. We shoot straight. Ask exactly what we want to know, using logic and setting the conversation up so if he is not truthful and we know it, he knows we will be following up with some checking, searching, no closed door privileges. For a while this included my husband monitoring showers. Also, a lot of times it is better man-to-man. My husband is VERY gifted in talking to boys, and also, getting to the bottom of a web of lies. He can crack my son every time these days, with logic, mostly, and his skills are improving with practice. Can you -- or better -- your husband -- say something like, "We noticed you are going through a lot of toilet paper and spending a lot of time in the bathroom. We saw the blood and were concerned, but the doctor couldn't find anything wrong. This doesn't make sense, and causes us to think that you are hiding something from us that is getting out of hand. I know this is "[URL="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=awkward%20turtle"]awkward turtle[/URL]" to talk about it, but we have to..." We do use humor a lot, because,well, we would go nuts without it, and it does diffuse super awkward situations. Then just ask him. You can say, "I really want you to tell me the truth." And if you don't believe him, something like, " This still doesn't make sense. I am so concerned that we need to check, blah blah blah...especially since you have a history of cutting." For me, saying something like "I STILL don't believe you" was hard to start saying, even when I still didn't believe my son. I thought it would somehow hurt his feelings if he WAS telling the truth. I don't care anymore. He knows the consequence for being a chronic liar is that we don't always believe him the first time and he gets extra questioning. No guilt or anger. Just matter of fact. I think if he is doing something secretive and bad for himself, then getting it out in the open with take away the "dirty little secret" feeling that can be such a burden, and it becomes just a problem you can help him with because you can talk about it. I think problems like masturbation that gets out of hand, cutting, bulimia, and bowel problems (which can be scary if you are dealing with them alone) all fall under this category. [/QUOTE]
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