It's what brought me to find this site. We were having our 3rd meltdown/fight of the week and I just lost it and realized I was standing over my difficult child screaming at him, and inside I felt like I just wanted to beat the heck out of him. He went to work with husband then, and I sat home sobbing and realizing I never wanted to be that way again. So I searched out any and all info I could, found this site, got so much help here, changed the way I was doing things. We finally got a diagnosis for our difficult child and over the last three years he's been doing wonderfully. He matured and changed as well.
You can't sit there and beat yourself up over this too much. It serves no purpose. You've done what you should, apologize to your difficult child and explain it's not a good way to act for you or him. And move on to find a better way that will help you both. TM's list is right on. Not sweating the small stuff, and concentrating on the biggies was one of the key things for us. Pick a couple of what you feel are the most important expectations for your difficult child, make sure to explain plainly to your difficult child what they are, and the consequences for not doing what's expected, and stick to it. Once you have the biggies under control, add something else. And make sure to take time for you. If you don't get a few minutes to destress once in a while, it builds until it explodes, and that doesn't help anyone. You're here, you're looking for a better way, ain't no worst mom in the world in that.
