Any parent, anywhere, whether the parent of a easy child or a difficult child loses it at one time or another.
In my mind, the concern would be the level of anger combined with a parents increasing feeling of frustration; a cycle of same behaviors with similar responses. (Please know this isn't a judgment - more an personal journey on my part, & observation of parents here on the board.)
So what you're doing isn't working - time to get a new game plan. One of my hardest lessons learned was to detach. I had to separate the child from the illness/disorder/behavior. Knowing that, most likely, a behavior stemmed from kt or wm's mental/emotional issues helped me back off a great deal on expectations. In the meantime, we continue to teach, raise expectations & nudge the tweedles forward bit by bit.
I've lowered my expectations a great deal. Seriously, at this point my expectations for kt are to set the table & play with her dolls. Somedays she can handle more - others less.
Knowing the emotional age that my children are operating lessened my increasing frustrations over what kt or wm would/would not do. It increased my understanding of the developmental level in which the tweedles operated.
Do I still lose it? Yup, I do. However, it's over behaviors & expectations that fit kt & wm's level. And it happens very seldom because I know when to walk away & what battle is worth taking on.
I've learned not to take anything screamed in anger personally. I've learned that a difficult child, for whatever reason, processes things differently, therefore may need different cues, gentle reminders, an adult to be beside them to complete a task or just to lessen anxiety.
I hope some of this helps. Take care of yourself on occasion - a break does wonders for your mindset.
