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General Parenting
does he have remorse???
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<blockquote data-quote="april1974" data-source="post: 435027" data-attributes="member: 12128"><p>Ktlc- I always find it reassuring when people say to me "that's normal my son/daughter did that too" makes me think, seperate the normal from the abnormal and look for the real red flags. I personally don't think double punishment is a good idea, I think learning to set kids up so they don't get defensive and lie is better..or if you know he's lieing giving him an out to come clean. I'm really trying to do this with both my sons, to take these moments of punishment and turn them into moments of learning, educating and discussion. They are only 5 but I've noticed that when I get eye level and talk with M and get him to tell me WHY...he can't xxxx it is proving to be beneficial.</p><p> </p><p>eg. We have a water fountain on our deck...the boys are not allowed to plug it in, we plug it in only...husband went outside and saw the fountain was plugged in....(we know it was M since E was doing something else) when asked "M did you touch the fountain?" m "no" husband says tell me the truth and you won't get into trouble, I can tell M is going to lie again so I say "M it's ok, be honest with dad" M "yes", I bent to eye level and explained "the reason we don't want you to plug in the fountain is because it's electricity and that can hurt you and we love you and want you to be safe, now tell me <u>Why</u> you plugged in the fountain" M "because I wanted to see how the pump works" I said "when you want to know things like that all you have to do is say to dad "dad I want to know how the pump works" so M went up to husband and said "dad I want to know how the pump works" husband said "come, I'll find the pump system on google since we can't see it since it's burried under all the rocks in the fountain" Whew....I implimented a new parenting technique I read about and hopefully M will come away with, if I ask, I will get answers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="april1974, post: 435027, member: 12128"] Ktlc- I always find it reassuring when people say to me "that's normal my son/daughter did that too" makes me think, seperate the normal from the abnormal and look for the real red flags. I personally don't think double punishment is a good idea, I think learning to set kids up so they don't get defensive and lie is better..or if you know he's lieing giving him an out to come clean. I'm really trying to do this with both my sons, to take these moments of punishment and turn them into moments of learning, educating and discussion. They are only 5 but I've noticed that when I get eye level and talk with M and get him to tell me WHY...he can't xxxx it is proving to be beneficial. eg. We have a water fountain on our deck...the boys are not allowed to plug it in, we plug it in only...husband went outside and saw the fountain was plugged in....(we know it was M since E was doing something else) when asked "M did you touch the fountain?" m "no" husband says tell me the truth and you won't get into trouble, I can tell M is going to lie again so I say "M it's ok, be honest with dad" M "yes", I bent to eye level and explained "the reason we don't want you to plug in the fountain is because it's electricity and that can hurt you and we love you and want you to be safe, now tell me [U]Why[/U] you plugged in the fountain" M "because I wanted to see how the pump works" I said "when you want to know things like that all you have to do is say to dad "dad I want to know how the pump works" so M went up to husband and said "dad I want to know how the pump works" husband said "come, I'll find the pump system on google since we can't see it since it's burried under all the rocks in the fountain" Whew....I implimented a new parenting technique I read about and hopefully M will come away with, if I ask, I will get answers. [/QUOTE]
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does he have remorse???
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