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General Parenting
Does He Think This Is A Threat?
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<blockquote data-quote="DaisyFace" data-source="post: 513800" data-attributes="member: 6546"><p>I agree. And in many ways, when you have a difficult child in the family, you do a lot of accomodating as a matter of course...</p><p></p><p>I think it gets tough when you are also trying to teach other children about being "fair" and "taking turns" and the usual lessons of childhood.</p><p></p><p>Here's an example from our home:</p><p></p><p>In order to appease difficult child - she must be the "winner" of every game (any game, it doesn't matter).</p><p></p><p>DS has learned that if he wants to play a game with difficult child, he MUST let difficult child win.</p><p>For difficult child, this is "as it should be".... </p><p></p><p>but DS doesn't like always having to be the "loser",</p><p>So most of the time, DS chooses not to play with difficult child at all.</p><p>This makes difficult child angry.</p><p>DS has learned to walk away and lock himself in his bedroom when she is angry.</p><p></p><p>So the "accomodation" of always letting difficult child be the "winner" does not actually work out to keep difficult child appeased - it just keeps DS locked in his bedroom. </p><p>Meanwhile, difficult child is angry that he will not play games with her.</p><p></p><p>So while in the short run, these things look like they are working - in the long run, it's a lose-lose.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DaisyFace, post: 513800, member: 6546"] I agree. And in many ways, when you have a difficult child in the family, you do a lot of accomodating as a matter of course... I think it gets tough when you are also trying to teach other children about being "fair" and "taking turns" and the usual lessons of childhood. Here's an example from our home: In order to appease difficult child - she must be the "winner" of every game (any game, it doesn't matter). DS has learned that if he wants to play a game with difficult child, he MUST let difficult child win. For difficult child, this is "as it should be".... but DS doesn't like always having to be the "loser", So most of the time, DS chooses not to play with difficult child at all. This makes difficult child angry. DS has learned to walk away and lock himself in his bedroom when she is angry. So the "accomodation" of always letting difficult child be the "winner" does not actually work out to keep difficult child appeased - it just keeps DS locked in his bedroom. Meanwhile, difficult child is angry that he will not play games with her. So while in the short run, these things look like they are working - in the long run, it's a lose-lose. [/QUOTE]
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